As a super bowl draws near that redefines the heated debate about what exactly is torture, let us turn our minds to (slightly) more joyful topics and take stock of the first half of the Year in our beloved Nuh-Buh.
Story of the First Half, Sixers division
Considering the fact that Sammy D's every move is art and every statement poetry, now and forever, we would be remiss in bestowing upon him such a piddling honor, and so we must seek elsewhere for Sixerfied inspiration. The clear winner is, of course, the emergence of a young threesome with diverse talents, plentiful game, and nearly unlimited entertainment potential. Can anybody say remake?
Story of the First Half, NBA division
Points are way up, young superstars (Dwight Howard, Chris Paul) are popping up all over the place, Greg Oden is looking more like Greg O'Donnell...still, the biggest story has to be: With all the talk about the Celtics, how come nobody ever brings up Paul Pierce getting stabbed? You never hear Alonzo without kidney, or Nash without Canadian, so why is it that Ray Benzino, erstwhile Celtics fan, gets a pass? I hate the Celtics as much as the next guy, maybe more, and I think they have as much chance of winning a championship as Mike Huckabee does of seeing Milk opening night. Still, to get stabbed 13 times in the face, head and chest and come back 7 years later to go 34-8...impressive.
Biggest Disappointment, Sixers Division
The people of Philadelphia. Not only because they have abandoned to Wachovia Center as if it were the Titanic, but also because they have willfully turned a blind eye to cruelty and injustice in our city's midst. Cuzzes of the world, unite!!
Biggest Disappointment, NBA division
The number of Miami Heat games scheduled on national television. You'd think they still had Willie Burton or something.
What we have to look forward to, Sixers Division
A possible playoff run in an abysmal conference? A high draft pick in a loaded class? A mediocre second half that keeps us from either? Rampant speculation centered on Elton Brand's knee? Any way you slice the pie, as long as Sammy D. is on the court and our young guns are on the bench, things will be lively in Sixertown.
What we have to look forward to, NBA Division
A wide open Western conference race, LeBron actually trying really hard, and the possibility of a Thomas/Riley suicide pact.
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New nickname for the Sixers young ballas: Bad Boys 3. Special guest appearances by Dei Lynam as Tea Leoni and Sammy D as computer whiz John Salley.
ReplyDeleteSolid analysis. Boo on hyperlinks that don't work.
ReplyDeleteGo Sixers. Go big D.
So last week, while performing a Google search of my name, to make sure that it didn't show up on a porn site (long, much more innocuous and boring story than you imagine), the Dalembert Report came up on the first page, referencing me and Coach Kevin. I have two reactions to this.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I need to do more noteworthy shit if this blog makes the first page of a Google search for my name.
Secondly, I don't know how the Coach Kev mythology has evolved, but I think I need to set the record straight. He was talking to the entire 1996-1997 JV squad, not just me, when he uttered his infamous, immortal words. Eldiablogrande, if you are who I think you are, you should know better.
It also wasn't just me who ran around like a chicken with the deer in the headlights, by the way. Although he did call me a two game wonder.
On another note, Pedro Feliz is obviously the answer to our third base woes. Scott Rolen must find this very funny.