Wednesday, January 9, 2008

See You At The Crossroads

Sadly, it has become clear over the last week that the sixers aren't very good. And neither am I at predicting victories. One week into my DR posting privileges and the sixers are 0-4. Amazingly I am quite good at predicting losses. Well just this evening we lost by 13 points, when I predicted they would lose by 14. But not so amazingly, when I say easy victory, they play like a pile of steaming shit. Now when I was in high school, it was cool to make this face behind people's heads, but it wasn't cool to be down on my squad, even when we were 18-64. So with that early life lesson in mind, I thought it time to put things in perspective and consider how bad things really once were.

As of January 10, 2007, our sixers have played 36 games, and we are 8 games under .500. At this point in 1996, we were a whopping 22 games under .500, coming in at 7-29. On this date 12 years ago we lost to the gheorge mursean led washington bullets, and amazingly, were led by 21 points off the bench from an accomplished domestic abuser. How we went on to lose 64 games when we put the likes of lasalle thompson, scott skiles, greg grant and rex walters on the court is beyond me, but believe it readers, i wouldn't lie. But on the bright side, we were cheered on by this man...

instead of this one. So what I guess what I'm here to say is just when things are starting to look hopeless, pop some Bone Thugs in your CD player, throw your favorite pair of cross colours around your waist, and embrace the 2007-08 version of your seventy-sixers. And Ed Stefanski, if you're listening, please replace Hip-Hop with a mascot worthy of our attention. I hate Steven Singer and so does this guy.

On that positive note I turn to this week's games.

Friday in the Windy City: When the Phillies signed Danny TartaBULL one decade ago I was incredibly excited .He was a monster in Sega RBI Baseball, and I figured a parade down Broad Street would soon follow. Well that fat deuce fouled a ball off his toe, collected his check, and bounced into oblivion. Multiply my disappointment by 1000 and thats how Bulls fans feel about their team right now. At 13-20, the bulls are actually worse than us. Fact is they have a black English bloke appropriately named "BEN," a convicted weed dealer in Jameson Curry, and a Swiss black dude named Thabo who the sixers once drafted. As I see it the "Tha's" go head to head with Thad dominating Thabo down the stretch, Iggy has a sucessful return home, and Sixers get back on the right track by scoring more points: Sixers 104, Chicago 99.

Monday in San Antonio: Ouch. We get smacked around, 109-92.

Tuesday in Houston: You say, "Big Firm, they have T-Mac and Yao." I say "BRING IT [Luther] HEAD!" First off, Sammy's recent trip to Haiti demonstrates that he is just as much of a humanitarian as Deke Mutombo, so there goes that advantage. Secondly, the Rockets suffer from a little something I call "cancer." Even Matt Bullock can't save the Rockets, we prevail: 98-91.

Friday in Beantown: First of all, I think our schedule fuckin sucks. We just finished a six game west coast roadtrip, came home for one against the bucks, got right back on the road, through the midwest, down to texas, and from there to boston? Who runs this league? Sadam Hussein? Realistically, this is a game we have little chance of winning. Honestly, being competitive might be a challenge. "That miserable city to the North filled with miserable people" 105, Sixers 87.

I welcome 1/2 of the DR staff to the friendly confines of Chapel Hill, North Carolina in a mere 36 hours. So take your shirt off, twist it round yo head, and spin the motherfucker like a helicopter god damnit.