Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Is It Drafty in Here?

Heat so abusive it makes old people die and fat people wish they were dead. Three cookouts on every block. Girls walking around in dental floss shorts and silly string tops. The NBA Draft must be near.

Yes, it's time to dive headfirst into the rejuvenating ocean of hope that is the annual draft, an event with so many intangibles it could be mistaken for a White quarterback. The verticals. The wingspans. The upsides. The pinstripes. The NBA Draft has something for everyone, and for the true fan it promises something more: a free upgrade of talent that maybe, just maybe, will unleash a torrent of domination not seen since The Globetrotters attached string to a basketball before shooting free-throws.

The Sixers pick at #16, meaning they are at the mercy of half the teams in the league. There are pros and cons concerning this predicament. While it's always better to have a higher pick since it gives you more players to choose from, it's also true that many GM's in this league are two lobes short of a brain and two nuts short of a set; the misguided picks and lopsided trades that result make for an intelligent man's market, in which an intelligent man can lie, cheat, and steal his way into more talent than should be allowed. When I say lie, cheat, and steal I mean out-think and out-evaluate. And maybe lie. If Ed Stefansky can rouse the intelligent man within, the #16 pick could be a goldmine. If not, it could be Jiri Welsch.

So, for the next fifteen days you can expect draft coverage out the ass. If that sounds gross or unpleasant to you then you are in the wrong place. Coming in the days and weeks ahead will be profiles of numerous potential Sixer picks, trade speculation, excess opinion on both, and maybe a dollop of embarrassing and premature references to Sixer dominance from this draft onward. Especially if we draft K-Love. Let the tailoring begin!!


  1. Chief Naka, my appetite is whet in anticipation of your draft dialogue. I only hope you, too, agree that the Sixers would be better off with Dr. Hibbert than with Roy Hibbert.

  2. Friend Firm,

    I would spend my life's savings to buy every remaining Jiri Welsch jersey before accepting the drafting of Roy Hibbert at 16.

    I did listen to a Chad Ford podcast that contained many references to the stunning progress and potential of Joe Alexander and Marreese Speights. Meanwhile, the only news on Hibbert is how he's a perfect fit in Utah, which despite Utah's success as a franchise is faint praise when it comes to bigs. It basically means he is a new Black version of Mark Eaton and Greg Ostertag. Yippee.

  3. Mark Eaton was a great defensive presence and all shit talking about him I take as a personal attack on me.

  4. Hibbert is a bum...Don't draft him, and if you do, trade him...Bum.