Thursday, June 26, 2008

If The Glove Don't Fit, I'll Still Predict

Karnac would not return my call. Rasputin was downright hostile via email. I contacted Dionne Warwick and she damn near extorted all my money. Even Zoltan was useless, taking my quarter, spitting out a card, and leaving me with no idea who we will draft. The card did say "your wish will be granted", so it's possible I forgot to ask who we will draft and instead asked for my normal wish, to become best friends with Sammy D. If I wake up tomorrow no closer to a lifelong friendship with the Great Dalembert I'll know Zoltan is full of crap.

Getting no help from professionals leaves the prediction in my unsteady hands. But I must bite the bullet and make a choice, no matter how silly the idea of predicting an unpredictable event such as the draft. Already there have been several trades that will make most of the mock drafts from the past week worthless, and more are surely in the works. So assuming that New York avoids a terrorist attack this evening and the draft goes ahead as scheduled, and assuming the Sixers stay at sixteen, here's what I think could happen:

With The Sixteenth Pick, The Philadelphia Seventy-Sixers select MARREESE SPEIGHTS.

Why?: It sounds like his offensive game has the most potential of the bigs in this portion of the draft, which, mixed with his sturdy frame and superior athleticism, make him a worthwhile risk at sixteen. His heart and desire has been questioned, and that worries me a great deal, but there isn't a home-run guy out there who combines the skills AND the intangibles. Well, there is and his name is Kevin Love. So I think Marreese is the guy. With cap-room and a nice nucleus in place, Speights won't have too much pressure on him, and he should benefit from a solid, professional locker room filled with hard-workers and good citizens And just wait until Sammy takes Marreese to his barber.

Anything Else?:
I'd like to add how much I hope we pick up another pick in the first round, or at least early second round. Along with that I'd like to reaffirm my enthusiasm for both Brandon Rush and Courtney Lee, versatile guards who can score, handle the ball, and defend. Getting a second pick would allow us to pursue a big man and one of these guards, which would be a nice haul in my opinion.

Predictions aside, I'd like to thank everyone for humoring me as I journeyed into Draftville, a dense, scary place. It only promises to get thornier as free agency starts next Tuesday, opening yet another trapdoor of innuendo and opinion based reporting. I look forward to offering a consistent serving of bullshit straight from the heart.


  1. Did you ask Miss Cleo? I guess she could be in prison for defrauding so many gullible numbskulls...Still, if you use Flintskins-style, race-based rational, she would be the most qualified to predict the NBA draft results.

  2. Chief are a wizard.

    In recap, can we get a discussion of the player's mom? And is there anyway Darrell Arthur's mom can play middle linebacker for the Eagles?

  3. Chief Naka is the DR's resident Gza. Nicely done.
    I'm already over the fact that Speights was a Gator.

    The Sixies came within 1 pick of Sideshow Nadav. The way the hat sat on top of his frow was hilarious.

  4. Whoops, I meant the fro of Puffs Lopez...Fro.

    Flintskins disputes my claim that Chief Naka is a genius because the Sixies pick of Mareese Speights was predicted by many sports pundits, including at, ESPN, etc. I happen to disagree, and put on the record that Chief Naka is head and shoulders above those chuckleheads, and reigns supreme in world of sports punditry. The man does his research, and I wouldn't have known a thing about the majority of those young bulls in the draft if it weren't for Chief Naka's breakdowns on the DR.

    Thank heavens for the DR. Keep snitchin'.