Saturday, June 21, 2008

Green Is Black And Was Orange

Nothing gets the DR readership agitated quite like racist innuendo and ethnic self-hatred, so in keeping with the spirit of the past week I present to you Donte Green, who is actually Black, and for a solitary year was also an Orangeman. The good news, for Flintskins, is that he is in no way White, while the bad news, for the rest of us, is that his penchant for jacking up ill-advised shots could land him in a colorblind world of pain known as the coach's doghouse. Let's go behind the pigment and try to figure out The Don.

Name: Donte Green
DOB: 2/21/1988
Height: 6'9
Weight: 220 lbs.
Born: Munich, Germany(hmmmm, this tidbit, offered by wikipedia, calls into question his pure Blackness)
Raised: Baltimore(nevermind what I just wrote)

Sad But Inspiring Real Life Experience:
His mom, a professional basketball player in Europe(that explains Munich), died when Donte was thirteen, leaving him in the trustworthy hands of The City of Baltimore. According to Donte, he still talks with his mom almost daily.

His Game, The Strengths: Pure shooter with great size that could make him an ideal NBA small forward. Is it redundant to call him an exceptional athlete with tremendous upside? I apologize if it is, but trust me, it's hard as nails to come up with creative ways of describing physically gifted players with questionable intensity and inner drive. Donte's size, shot, and offensive versatility leads to a natural comparison to another Baltimore boy gone Orange, Carmelo Anthony.

His Game, The Weaknesses:
For such a big guy Donte sure does spend a lot of time far away from the basket. He loves to shoot three's. A lot. He guns more than O-Dog in Menace II Society and plays defense the way O-Dog hand-knits baby booties.

Will He Be Available?: It will be close but definitely possible. I've read some scouting reports that call him a Top-5 prospect in the entire draft with the potential to be one of the top pros from this draft when all is said and done. Mock drafts have him going between twelve and eighteen. Some have him coming to Philly.

If The Sixers Draft Him: Another versatile athlete who can shoot is never a bad thing, and I'll be happy simply because some pimply-faced geek called him a Top-5 prospect. If they take him instead of choosing a similarly talented prospect with more size I will be conflicted.

The Big Picture:
One glaring weakness The Sixers have is three-point shooting. If Donte Green is there at sixteen it would make sense to take a chance on him, considering what he does best is shoot the ball. If they could somehow find a way to draft him and Marreese Speights they would be adding eight new E's to the roster. Which, to me, would be excellent.

One More Thing: In an effort to stay focused on the NBA Draft I will keep it moving in basketball directions for the next week. In no way am I ignoring the DR readers, who are chomping at the bit for coverage more political, racial, and of questionably age. I'll be thrilled to jump back into the fray at the right time, to raise issues of critical importance, and answer questions of utmost urgency. Questions such as where exactly was DVDubs on election day 2004, and was his geographical location and outfit solely responsible for Flintskins decision to never vote again? The public demands answers, and we at The DR promise to do our best to provide them.


  1. This is pure butter, baby. Weekend updates are the gift that keeps giving, much like mechanical vaginas.

    I like Donte Green, seems rugged if not a loose cannon. The orange have another dude from philly named Scoop who would be a welcome addition to philly down the road.

    But for the meantime, if this dude is there, and we take him, I will be excited. After all, he is black, and black is the new white.

  2. I would gladly trade out Willie Green for Donte.

    I love Nails, and It's Always Sunny in Philadulphia.

  3. chief naka is really comiong with the heat these days! bring on kosta koufos!!!!!


  5. anonymous, flintskins is a waterhead. the above is TRULY the best comment ever.