Friday, June 6, 2008

The Eagles: NFL's Witness Protection Program

Will Peterson becomes Will James in 2006
Tra Thomas becomes William Thomas in 2006
Juqua Thomas becomes Juqua Parker in 2008

Goofy coincidence, cultural tradition, or mysterious organizational conspiracy? What in the name of Lew Alcindor is at work here?

At first glance it would appear a simple case of coincidence. Three men, connected by nothing more than the winged helmets they wear, deciding individually to alter their names. Nothing crazy with that, is there?

But hold up, who the hell changes their name? I'll tell you: women who get married, men who join The Nation of Islam, people on the run, or any combination of the three.

I don't think Will, Tra, or Juqua are women, nor do their new names sound anything like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar or Malcolm X, which leads me to believe that they are Mafia snitches sent to Philadelphia under assumed aliases and given day jobs as football players for the professional team here. Which is a tremendous way to recruit talent.

For all the issues I have with The Eagles, this is one time I support them to the fullest. Keeping government witnesses on the roster would also help explain Andy Reid's press conferences; it's not that he doesn't want to divulge more information about the game and specific plays and players, it's that legally he has his hands tied. This could also be the reason for the teams refusal to aggressively pursue a top wide receiver: for years now they have simply been waiting for all the paperwork to get processed so that Joey Merlino can finally join the team and run the skinny post.

Baseball Notes:

-Jimmy Rollins got benched yesterday for not running out a pop-up that was dropped. Charlie Manual pulled him, they spoke, and everything appears to be kosher. I wouldn't be surprised if JRoll unleashes a torrid hot streak starting now.

-The Phillies selected Anthony Hewitt, Zach Collier, Anthony Gose, Jason Knapp, and Vance Worley in yesterdays MLB draft. Expect to see one, maybe two of these guys pinch running or working 1/3 of an inning by 2014. Compared to the NBA draft the baseball draft is pretty doodoo.

Ahh, The NBA Draft. A lot more on that to come.