Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Ask Tha Bul Bubak...

Dear Bul Bubak,

I am afraid that my fiancée has multiple personality disorder. Now he thinks he is an advice columnist. I really love him, and I put up with lots of his social issues, but I'm not sure if I can deal with Multiple Personality Disorder. What should I do?

Scared It's For Life.

Dear SIFL,

I would not be too worried about your fiancee, I have a funny feeling that he is: 1) A great advice columnist, and 2) An amazing lover/caregiver/cook. As far as these "social issues" you mention, I say take a really good look at this man and ask yourself, NO, TELL YOURSELF "This is truly a great Jew I got here, and whatever issues he has do not even compare to all the wonderful things he has and will do for/with me in the future." My answer to you is don't be scared, be happy and thankful; that you could find a man that seems eerily similar to Tha Bul Bubak.

Dear Bul Bubak,

If you hear you neighbors having sex, is it ok to get a glass and place it against the adjoining wall and jerk off to the sweet serenade of their fuck?

Curious Regarding Eerily Erotic Panting


YES. ALWAYS and FOREVER this will be an acceptable and encouraged act.

P.S. Send me the audio.

Dear Bul Bubak,

This guy at work is an asshole with sociopathic tendencies. He's always talking about slicing off people's heads and then sticking his genitals in their orifices. He sleeps wrapped in aluminum foil because he believes other people send brain waves that disturb his sleep. But he's also sexy and I'd like to have intercourse with him. Even though I don't want to date him, is it okay to send him random text-message booty calls? What if he is bad in the sack? Is it okay if I never call him again?

-Searching for Lust for the Umpteenth Time

Dear SLUT,

Let me begin by saying that slicing of peoples head and fucking their esophagus is something that this sociopath stole from me! I came up with it, and even invented a term for this act – Decopulation. I will try to put my anger of being ripped off aside and answer this question in an unbiased manner.

I had to take a brief tying break there to let my anger subside. OK. You SLUT are a breath of fresh air to all men…Of course it is ok, even encouraged, to send sexy texts to any man for a booty call. The (semi) regular booty call is the ultimate goal of all men. I attained it once…now we are getting married. So what I am saying is BE CAREFUL! As an unnamed source told me -

"The booty date is incredible. I've found that you only get about 3-4 calls made or accepted before it either has to die a fiery death or ceases being a booty call and assumes the title of dating." Be afraid, be very afraid.

I do realize that your question is a conglomerate of many smaller questions, they are all tied together and shall be answered now. Everything I have told you so far IS the gospel. Read it, know it, believe it, do it. As far as the aluminum foil and never calling him again, well that is up to how you feel about him in the sack. Assuming that sociopathic tendencies and copulation are not the only things your man and Tha Bul Bubak have in common, I bet he is wondrous in said sack. I guess what I am trying to say is real good sex is at a premium these days: If he delights, ignore the foil and go about frolicking in the meadow that is his loins, who knows maybe you'll like it and end up like this. If he sucks(and not in the good way) in bed feel free to never call him again and think he is a weirdo for the whole foil thing.

I hope this helps you out SLUT.

- Who knew it felt so good to help people and call them slut at the same time? Not me.

People I am running out of questions to answer, please please please send in your questions to .