Monday, October 13, 2008

What does it all mean??

I am superstitious when it comes to Phillies baseball. I have moved twenty times during the course of this game, taken off jerseys, adjusted hats, & put on different jerseys. It's the least I can do as a fan, though I have given serious consideration to assassinating Manny Ramirez. And then we fell behind 5-3, and even I, the most loyal of loyal...began to lose faith. Well not so much lose faith, but turn my attention to game 5 and the performance Cole would have to put forth to get our team right. And what does a man do when he loses faith, or at least loses focus?? He turns to Facebook. So there I sat, a mere two innings ago, perusing Aleeetia's page and reviewing photos of our most loyal reader frolicking through the pacific northwest with his new bride. And then lightning struck. I looked up, screamed like a rape victim, and willed my favorite Hawaiian's ball over the right field fence. After jumping around, waking up my neighbors, calling Chief Naka and finding my seat again on the couch, I glanced to my left and saw the picture below staring me in the face. It was cosmic.

So when two batters later Matt Stairs came up to the plate, and my computer had been shut off...I figured what the hell: bring up that mysterious DVW sea creature picture and see how truly magical it is. And that's what I did. And we all know what Matt Stairs did. And I've now been staring this shirtless and hairless Matt Stairs look-alike in the face/nipple for the past hour in hope of channeling his truly unbelievable power.

So what does it all mean? It means there is a reason DVW posts comments twelve times a day. There's a reason he says "i think there are some more rooms matt sta-irs" and we don't repeatedly dead arm him. Put simply, God wants us to go to the World Series. And God wants me to print out this picture, turn it into a t-shirt, and wear it on Wednesday night when Cole punches our ticket. And who am I to turn my back on God.


  1. Stairs in the postgame press conference: "there's no better feeling than getting a big hit and coming back to the dugout and getting your ass hammered by guys."

  2. Bizarro Matt Sta-irsOctober 13, 2008 at 11:41 PM

    Best quote ever!

    I had a real good feeling when Stairs stepped to the plate....And I couldn't agree more that I look like Matt Stairs in this picture, which tonight, is a complement. Someone needs to go on the Madson diet, and that someone is me.

    Go Phils!

  3. One more similarity between Matt Sta-irs and myself:

    I also like to get my ass hammered by guys (Pro-Homo).

    "Huh huh, that's gay...You're gay."

    Matt Stairs is this year's team's Pete Incaviglia.

  4. Headline of the Daily News:

    "Stairway to Heaven"