Friday, July 11, 2008

That's When Ya Lost

Sorry Pat, we tried.

Despite our combined efforts (read: my 100+ votes and the three chipped in by everyone else), The Glove finished in third place in the final ballot voting. Before you hit the bottle to deal with the deep, dark pain that this has surely caused, all hope is not lost. Alfonso Soriano, the Cubs' douchebag left-fielder was scratched from the team, likely due to some form of buggery related injury. In his place, NL All Star manager Clint Hurdle has decided to promote perennial douchebag Matt Holliday to the position of starting left-fielder. This is significant because there is now an empty roster spot, and while logic might seem to point towards giving the spot to the second place finisher of the final ballot voting (a distinction held by New York Met David Wright, the douchiest douche who ever douched), it can not be overlooked that it is an outfielder who has been removed from the lineup. Pat Burrell plays outfield. I think you see where I'm going with this.

Unfortunately, Clint Hurdle is a dick, who is reported to not be a big Phillie fan, despite that his Rockies team - douchebags that they are - SWEPT us in the NL Divisional Series last year. Beyond his alleged personal bias, people who know a lot more about sports than I do have reported that there are three far likelier candidates for the opening, in the forms of our own Ryan Howard, who leads the league in homers and RBI's despite having a .234 batting average and 125 strike outs (but see Clint Hurdle being a Phillie hating douche for why that won't happen); the aforementioned Met/Summer's Eve spokesman David Wright; and the likeliest candidate Houston Astros outfielder Carlos Lee, who finished last in Final Ballot voting despite having the strongest numbers in the entire group.

Despite all of the evidence supporting Pat being overlooked for the final roster spot mounting against him, I remain hopeful. As many of you know, I'm not really into "causes" or "seeing things through to the end" but I'm sticking to my guns on this one. Pat deserves to be an All-Star dammit, and I think it's his year, and there is nothing Clint Hurdle can do to stop me from making that happen. Unless his phone number isn't listed. Then Pat and I are both screwed.

UPDATE: It would appear that the good folks (the one dude) over at Pat Burrell For All-Star know more about all of this than I do. Seems that only people from the Final Ballot can be considered for the open spot. That means Howard is ineligible. So it's between Pat, Douchebag Wright, Carlos Lee and Aaron "Former Cuz, Current Douche" Rowand. Pray for Pat.

Also, head over to PBFAS to read their brilliant open letter to Clint Hurdle, who as I may have mentioned before, is a dick.

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