Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Spot Rusherz

Sixers Sign Royal Ivey and Kareem Rush:
What off-season would be complete without signing players of questionable skill and debatable effectiveness? In the spirit of adding random bodies to the roster the Sixers signed a guy named Royal Ivey and garbage-time extraordinaire Kareem Rush. I love both singings. Royal Ivey, besides having a memorable name, can add some size and versatility to the backcourt. Kareem Rush, a member of the Rush family, the NBA's version of the Baldwin's, has a shooting stroke sweeter than Jimmy Chitwood and a pedigree akin to Shiloh Pitt. Both guys are cheap, both guys have something to prove, and both are low-risk additions.

I do wonder about Kareem Rush. This dude can clearly shoot the lights out, is a former first-round pick, and as had some success in the league. Is there something we don't know? I guess we'll find out, but for now I'm jumping to overly optimistic conclusions and assuming he's the answer to our shooting woes.

As for Your Royal Iveyness, his appearance on the local scene, coupled with the Eagles drafting of King Dunlap, makes Philadelphia the new Zamunda. Truly a city of brotherly eminence.

Leo Rautins Must Die:
For those that missed this important story, our hero and namesake Samuel Dalembert was booted off the Canadian Olympic Basketball team by head coach Leo Rautins. Leo The Lowlife claims that Sammy was selfish and lazy, a detriment to the national team. Days after kicking Sam off the team, Team Canada lost to Team USA 120-65. Good call Rautins, way to get rid of your best player, not to mention your only computer savvy Haitian. Basically anything negative that is printed or spoken about Sammy D is blasphemy in my eyes and will not be tolerated. I dare Leo Rautins to show his face in the DR offices anytime soon. I will destroy him. As for Sammy, you were always too special to be fucking with Team Canada. Take the next month off, relax, build a robot or two, donate some time to constructing a school in Port Au Prince, and get ready for NBA 2008-2009, otherwise known as the year you make the All-Star team and turn your contract into the bargain of the century.

Speaking of Contracts:
Did anyone noticed that Andris Bierdins got 62 million from the Warriors, and Emeka Stinking Okafor got 72 million from the moron Bobcats? The good news is that Sam Dalembert is much better than either of those guys and makes less money. The bad news is that Andre Iguodala is also much better than those two and now stands to makes much more. If Emeka Okafor gets 72 mil, how much will Iggy get? Remember, Elton Brand signed for five years 79 million.

The Phillies:
I stand by my earlier statement that the Mets can't fuck with us when it truly matters. With the trade deadline rapidly approaching the rumors are flying. Manny Ramirez wants to be traded. Would we swap Manny for Pat Burrell? Objectively, Manny is a better, more productive offensive player. He's also an imbecile. I have a great idea: trade Pat for Manny, then let Manny sign somewhere else and resign Pat in the off-season. I'd also like to thank the Washington Nationals for doing what no minor league team could do: make Brett Myers look like a real major league pitcher again. Keep it up Nats.

Congrats to The Soul:
You have given the city of Philadelphia an Arena League Title, aka diddlysquat. I hope a bunch of you guys got laid this week, otherwise your championship really did nothing for nobody. Do me a favor and stop being owned by Bon Jovi, a huge douchebag if I ever saw one.

Hey Eagles:
Pay BWest, cut Darren Howard, and tell me what the hell is going on with Shawn Andrews. I'm starting to worry he's a crazy person and is staying home to take care of his "sick" stuffed animals or some shit. Shawn, get your big Arkansas ass to camp, pronto. That is all.

5 comments:

  1. I Love KING Dunlap!

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  2. Watch what you say about JBJ. Otherwise, excellent post.

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  3. Dallycub sucks ASS! Nearly 12 mil for 5 points a game? What a waste of cap space. That stupid ahole should play for team haity or what ever they are called. And you need to get off his nutts you brown nose, brown eye lovin punk. Show your face in my office you big mouthed punk and I will bitch slap your stupid ARSE! PO!

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  4. One more thing, Link, a career 8 point center can be found at the local YWCA. Get a haircut, the 60's are over and THE MOD SQUAD really SUCKED!

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