Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Looking Good Louis!

A quick flourish of the pen and it became official: Louis Williams re-signed with the Sixers for five years and twenty-five(or so) million bucks. The significance was probably lost on the average fan in the average city, but at the DR we understood the importance right way. There are basketball repercussions sure, the fact that LouWill is only twenty-one years young and easily the best pure scorer on the team carries massive weight around here. So does his friendship with Bow Wow. And the fact that Lou hosts a radio show during the season on 100.3 The Beat certainly increased my already ludicrous admiration for the guy. But there is another reason to rejoice, due to a truly rare characteristic Lou possesses, which separates him from all but a select few Philly athletes throughout history.

Being named Louis inevitably leads to the nickname Lou, which quickly morphed into a rumbling call of "Louuuuuuuuuuuuu" whenever he entered the game or made a hearty highlight reel play. "Louuuuuuuuuuu" sounds an awful lot like "Boooooooooooo", Philadelphia's most cherished verbal default mechanism. Are you following me people? What I'm trying to say is this: LouWill will be almost fully inoculated from booing and thus, according to my complicated theorem, impervious to the psychological effects booing can have on the average athlete. Not only do I expect his outside shot to improve, along with his handle, his passing, his leadership, his ability to finish in traffic, and his free-throw percentage, but I think he will do so in an environment free of booing, allowing him to accomplish these goals faster and more efficiently.

Some might scoff at this idea. The same people who scoffed at the idea of Ralph Macchio as leading man and discounted Patrick Swayze's vocal range and charisma. Three Karate Kid movies(Wax on haters) and one classic love song(seriously,what can't he do?) later and we see why these so-called people do not worry me. In Philly if you can never be booed you have already won the war. Let's think on it. What other athletes achieved such nirvana? Two Eagles immediately come to mind, Duce Staley and Hugh Douglass, and both of whom, if my memory has held true, were extremely popular players who splashed and giggled their careers away in the no-boo zone. Because see, when you do play terribly and the fans boo you and you can just tell yourself they are yelling your name, life becomes a perpetual cruise on the gravy boat of ignorant bliss.

Think how different our recent sporting past would be if Donovan McNabb was named Donovan McBoo. Or if Scott Rolen's parents had named him Bruce. In fact, it might not be a bad idea for all four sports organizations to make a real effort to draft and sign guys named Bruce, Duce, Goose, Hugh, Louis, and straight up Boo. Philadelphians would shit themselves if they couldn't boo and would be forced into radical action, such as, gasp, simply being silent after the Eagles go three-and-out in the first quarter of a game in September. Radical I know.

In closing I want to extend LouWill a heartfelt congratulations from all of us here at The DR. We have high hopes for you kid so make us proud and remember, you are indestructible, because here in Philly, if they can't boo ya, they can't kill ya.

PS-I reserve the right to boo the shit out of LouWill if he sucks this year.