Thursday, June 14, 2007

Two Games Back!

Well well. Look who started winning while I was busy watching a testosterone-fueled display of of homoerotic behavior.

Some salient points about the Phillies latest winning streak:

-Everyone wonders why Pat the Glove always hits so well against the Mets. Not me. It's pretty obvious that it's his crystal meth and astroglide fueled evenings in Chelsea that inspire him to amazing feats on the playing field. I worried a bit that Pat's Met-bashing might fall off when the team got rid of his late night cruising cohort "Up to the Elbow" Mike Piazza, but those fears proved to be ungrounded. I wonder who Pat's new Met boy toy is? Part of me really hopes it's that kiddie fiddler Paul Lo Duca.

-I know I've pointed this out before, but Alfonseca is fast becoming my favorite Phillie. Who wouldn't root for a ginormous teddy bear-looking Domincan closer with a lighthearted demeanor and a heart of gold who just happens to have a hideous physical abnormality? here's an entertaining tidbit from the 9th inning of last night's game:

The Phillies converged on the mound to calm Alfonseca down. When home-plate umpire Adrian Johnson headed to the mound to break up the meeting, Alfonseca apologized for the incident and patted him on the behind.

(Sigh) He's so awesome...

-Before we get too excited, let's all take a minute and remember that we've been here before. Last year. And the year before. And the year before that. We all know what's gonna wind up happening. Or at least DN blogger Will Bunch does.

More on my life-affirming trip into the depths of white trash nirvana as soon as I finish delivering cakes.


  1. As always, poignant questions raised by this edition of the DR. I too wonder who is the Mets' Corey Haim to Pat's Corey Feldman. Lo Duca does seem the obvious choice, but perhaps too obvious, and despite all of Pat’s shortcomings, I don’t see him taking in a light workout by the middle school girls track team on even the nicest of Friday afternoons.

    Carlos Delgado would be down, but his busy live chicken sacrificing schedule doesn’t leave too much free time.

    In the end, the answer has been in front of us the whole time. Billy Wagner. If you watch the game in question in HD, you can actually see the shared twinkle as their eyes connected right before that fateful, game tying home run pitch. The pitch placement all but audibly said the words “I can’t quit you Fat Pat”. I’m just glad that the FCC prohibits the broadcasting of Pat returning the favor, nobody needs to see that shit.

    On a mildly related note, I sit here lamenting the sadness associated with Pat “the Bat (?)” and Dwight “5 O’Clock Free Crack Giveaway” Gooden never having a chance to be division rivals. Those two DEFINITELY would have ride or died (most likely the latter) together. In fact, I got 5 bucks and a 4 pack of Sparks for the first person who tracks Doc Brown and his DeLorean down and sends him back to ’86 to pick up Doc G. and bring him here. Just make doubly sure that Kevin “I Swear the Cat Was Already Decapitated When I Got Here” Mitchell doesn’t tag along.