Big Oogie

There's plenty of blame to go around for the Phillies bullpen suckitude. Some point to Pat Gillick's inaction; some to Tom Gordon's age; and still other's to Ryan Madson's inability to keep his ERA under 6.00. Here at the Dalembert report, we know the true culprit is Luisa Estella Morales Lamuño.

For those who don't know, that's the bitch who just put Oogie Urbina on timeout.

The 32-year-old free agent was convicted of joining a group of men in attacking and injuring workers with machetes and pouring gasoline on them at his family's ranch, located about 25 miles south of Caracas.

You can't fault Oogie though -- in Philly that kind of shit doesn't even get prosecuted.