Recession Update

We all heard about the global economy being in a free-for-all, and how we're all going to have to brace for a long recession and how Sammy D's monthly budget for remote control cars is being slashed to $25,000 including the price of D batteries. Lately though the desperate times have called for increasingly desperate measures. Our sources tell us that Marc Zumoff is saving money on tailoring by foregoing pants during games, and that Jason Smith and Thad Young are now going halfs on the surf and turf at the Cadillac Lounge. Here's how some of the other Sixers are weathering the economic downturn:

Louis Williams: Supplementing his salary by doing spots for 1-800-MATTRESS during the LouWill Show on 100.3 The Beat (leave off the last S for SAVINGS!!)

Kareem Rush: Checking brother JaRon out of Promises rehab facility in Hollywood; enrolling him in Norristown AA chapter.

Reggie Evans: Selling oregano to unsuspecting white high school students at Chew & Chelten.

Aaron McKie: Turning in his collection of illegal firearms in return for Forman Mills discount coupons.

Willie Green: Selling mixtapes in front of FYE on Broad Street.

Elton Brand: Borrowing funds from Wayne Enterprises through Rescue Dawn co-star Christian Bale.

Donyell Marshall: Working part-time as short order cook in Khalid El-Amin's seafood restaurant.

Mo Cheeks: Stealing life-sized Jon Runyan cutouts from Chestnut Hill McDonalds for later resale on the black market.