Tuesday, February 10, 2009

The Beast from Marreese

Some people (OK, possibly only me) call him the Speights Cowboy. Some call him the gangster of dunks. Some people simply call him Marreese, though not Matt Cord, who continues to mispronounce his name.

One thing is certain: under any name, watching 'Reese unleash an aerial dunkathon on the unsuspecting dome of Amare Stoudemire last night was as satisfying as a Sammy D goaltend slammed into the 5th row, and even the most cynical of Philly fans might be forgiven for inklings of optimism as the Sixies head into the break. A win Wednesday against Memphis would put us 3 games above .500, and within easy striking distance of the 4 or 5 seeds, and with that a legitimate chance at a first round playoff win.

The importance of a playoff berth, and if possible a strong playoff run, will be of great import in deciding what looms as being the Sixers most significant future dilemma. No - it's not figuring out how to get this picture onto the the cover of the next issue of Drive Magazine. And it has nothing to do with the salary cap ramifications of turning Aaron McKie into a player/coach so he can shame LeBron with his ultra-tight beard.

The truly important question facing Sixies management is: what's to be done about Andre "Juice Goldman" Miller?!?!

Here's the scenario, for the uninitiated: Juice is 33 years old. His contract is up after this year. He has stated his preference in the past (though he's been noticeably mum of late) of playing for a winning team. His been instrumental to the Sixers success. And the trading deadline is just one week away.

Your probably on the edge of your seat, wondering about how this precarious situation might turn out. Well, the way I see it, there are three possible scenarios. Here we go, yo:

Scenario One: New York, North Kakalaka & Compton

After secret talks with David Stern's robot bodyguard, Stefanski decides that the Sixers stand little chance of making it out of the first round this year. Citing Juice's desire to play for a winner, and the Sixers need to get something for him before he leaves as a free agent, Eddie swings a trade with a title contender in need of a point guard, bringing in most likely a promising young player, an expiring deal, and perhaps a conditional first or second round pick.

The problem with this scenario is that there aren't many title contenders with the pieces to make a deal work. Cleveland and Boston are set at PG, as are San Antonio, New Orleans, LA and Houston. Orlando just lost Jameer Nelson, but they've already brought in Tyronn Lue as a replacement, and have neither promising young players nor expiring contracts to send us in return.

One possibility might be Detroit, with it's balanced scoring, championship pedigree, and lack of true point guard. A Juice for Rip Hamilton trade works under the cap, and would give the Sixers the shooter that they need. But we would be taking on a big, long-term contract that might screw up our ability to sign Young Thad to an extension down the road. Too risky.

Odds: 15-1

Scenario Two: Gots to Get the Loot So I Can Bring Home the Bacon

The Sixers reach the playoffs, but lose in the first round to Mike Woodson's mustache. Juice gets offered 3 years and 26 million from some other team. After Stefanski equivocates, he jumps ship, having bid a sad goodbye to all the Jews in the courtside seats.

Odds: 5-1

Scenario Three: No Holds Barred, No Time for Move Fakin'

Secret envoys to the Miller camp have yielded positive results. Juice likes playing for the Sixies, and he feels they have potential. Also he shares an agent with... MARREESE SPEIGHTS! After a sweeping Orlando out of the playoffs, and taking the Cavs to 6 games in round 2, Juice sings a 3 year, 22 million deal with huge incentives in the event that Marreese wins the MVP award and doesn't get caught out in any embarrassing late night situations with Jason Smith in the Cadillac Lounge.

Odds: 2-1

Please feel free to weigh in with any other possible scenarios in the comments!!


  1. I hope we keep Juice.

  2. Did you lend Mike Woodson your pocket square?

  3. What if they traded Miller for AI's expiring contract...

    No blog entry about that NYY fraud A-HOLE?

  4. May I recommend a including a photo of The Champagne of beers next to the photo of the bottle of Andre?

    "May I suggest using your knight-stick, officer?"


  5. In order to trade for AI's expiring contract we'd have to add about $10-12 million more worth of contract to the deal - coincidentally this is just about the same amount that Sammy D is making. Juice & Sammy for AI and Jason Maxiell/Amir Johnson would work, but it's too awful a concept for me to even think about. We all need to hope and pray that such a tragedy doesn't come to pass.

  6. High Life = Champagne of beers

    Andre = Beer of champagnes

    Thats all I got.