Saturday, January 17, 2009

Junk Food For Thought

As I count down the hours before my warm body must exit its warm cocoon of blankets and enter a world of pain known as 7:15am on a 8-degree day, I have a few thoughts I wanted to share. My ten-year City Year-San Jose reunion is taking place this weekend, in San Jose of all places, hence the early departure time for me Saturday morning. This means I will be away and largely out-of-touch from everything safe and familiar for the next 4 days. Namely the DR. So I felt it was important to leave with a parting note.

First and foremost, how about them Sixers!! As Eldiablogrande and I watched the Sixers run the Spurs outta Philly with a tantalizing combination of fast-breaks, outside shooting, and Sammy D jump hooks, one thing occurred to us: Elton Brand better not fuck up this flow! It feels familiar to how we were playing during the second half of last year, before we signed Brand, and now he's coming back and the team again needs to adjust to having a supposed legitimate power forward. It's not a good sign when the highest paid, most highly regarded player comes back from an injury and NOBODY thinks this is a good thing. By no means have I given up on Elton Brand, I just have had such a good time watching this team run around like the kids from Lord of The Flies that I don't want a parental figure messing things up.

Now on to the Birds. So much to say about this game, none of it particularly original. Still I will try to explain why I think the Eagles will win and proceed to the Super Bowl.

Two camps have set-up shop around these parts. The camp that thinks the Eagles will destroy the Cardinals, and the camp that is stressed out by how many people are in the first camp. A word to the first camp: chill. And a word to the second camp: relax. Chill and relax, they are the same, right? No my friend, they are different, but instead of wasting time delving into that question I will simply segue into some reasons why I am in fact both chill and relaxed as Sunday approaches.

Real Reasons:

1) We have a better team
Sure, that didn't stop Russia from losing to Team USA in Hockey in 1980, or keep the Giants from upsetting New England in last years Super Bowl, but more often than not the better team wins the game.

2) They have great receivers, we have a great secondary
I'm as scared of Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin as the next guy, but let's think about this rationally for a second. Do we really think Jim Johnson, the genius defensive mind, will let the Cardinals take their one true strength, their passing game, and beat us with it? It's possible Arizona will go crazy and have their way in the air. It's just as possible that our talented secondary will play well, give up a big play of two, but overall contain the Arizona receivers as well as anybody. Personally, I'd bet Jim Johnson will play a lot of nickel defense and dare the Cardinals to beat us on the ground.

3) Donovan McNabb
He drives me crazy he really does. He throws at least five passes a game that resemble Ebby Calvin "Nuke" Laloosh wild pitches. He rarely scrambles and when he does he never fights for extra yards or stays in-bounds. He makes stupid faces. But let's face it: he's better than most everybody else, and when he plays well we tend to win. I think he'll play well on Sunday.

4) Random Freshness
This will sound ridiculous but I think two random guys will make a difference in this game. These two guys missed significant time with injuries and thus are fresher than a detention class at Eastside High and ready to do damage to Kurt Warner. Chris Clemons and Victor Abiamiri are young, have great names, and will do work.

5) Home Field Will Work Against Arizona
As we Philly fans know all to well, playing the biggest game of the year at home isn't always a good thing. If Philly can get an early lead, the collective anxiety and trepidation in the stands can rub off on the home team, making them tighter than a pair of Richard Simmon's spandex while simultaneously keeping the road team looser than public-school teachers at happy hour.

Fake Reasons:

1)Strange Coincidences
Bear with me for a minute: We lost to Tampa Bay in the 2002 NFC Championship game; this year Tampa Bay loses its final game to Oakland, opening the door for us to make the playoffs. We lost to Carolina in the 2003 NFC Championship game; this year Carolina gets killed in the playoffs, setting up the match-up between the Eagles and the Cardinals. Who beat us in the 2001 NFC Championship game? Kurt Warner, that's who. So in a roundabout way each of our past NFC Championship demons has played a part in where we are now. I like the symmetry.

2)The Power of Positive Thinking
Why do I feel so good? I'm not sure I can explain it, but I just remember when the season looked dead, when McNabb was as good as gone and the season in flames, and I feel sorry for anyone who can't simply enjoy what has happened since, where we are now, and most of all the fact that we've gotten an extra month of exciting and meaningful football on Sundays. If we lose we lose, but I will wake up on Sunday and watch my favorite team play, which is more than 90% of the fans out there can say. Besides, we're not gonna lose. And why not??......

As has been chronicled here before, Brian Dawkins is a righteous man who loves him some God the way Andy Reid loves him some extra mayonnaise. As BDawk has morphed from player to mystical spirit-guide of the gridiron, I have come to put faith in his faith. Simply put, I don't see how God can possibly let BDawk down, and vice versa. I'd like to add that I will be converting to whatever branch of Christianity Brian Dawkins belongs to if the Birds win the Super Bowl.

4)Dreadlock Imposta'
Remember Stephen Spach? He was the dispensable white guy with dreads who was on the Eagles a year or two ago. He cut his dreads and became the starting tight end for Arizona. Last week he got hurt and will miss the rest of the year. I don't know why I'm mentioning this but for some reason I found it worth mentioning. Mostly I dislike white guys with dreads.

5)This is our year
All I really need to see to know this shit is ours is JRoll in a luxury box in Arizona. Show me JRoll and I'll show you a trip to Tampa.

And now I'm off to San Francisco, the land of Bucho, Vid VW, and the Mexican spot that gave me the worst food poisoning of my life. I'll see you suckas next week.


  1. The reason you are confident is because as you stated we R THE BETTER TEAM. While I have enjoyed this most improbable ride to the NFC title game if they lose this will be the most devastating of their long chronicled failures to make it to the bowl only because THEY R THE BETTER TEAM. The D is out of their mind right now and they just need to play mistake free on the offensive side.

    Also, D-MAC REALLY DOES make the dumbest faces. Also, he always has jokes. I can honestly say in his 10 years playing in Philadelphia I have never laughed at one of his jokes.


  2. Yes! I'm loving that you've embraced Raleigh Towel.

    The Sixies were a treat to watch last night; the reverse dunk ali-oop was dope, and Marreese keeps getting better and better. I want Brand to stay away, but that's not happening so hopefully he can get his shit together.

    Excellent work as always, Chief Naka. Regardless of the end result, I think the Eagles will come out with fire, and it will be a great game. I kind of hate that I can't say Go birds in this match-up.

    "Boh-hom line, I luh Jon Gruden" indeed. Maybe the fact that Tony Dungy (who built the Superbowl Tampa team) retiring, and Jon Gruden being fired (who crushed us in our last game at the vet in the NFC championship on their way to the Uber Bowl) fits into your intriguing cosmic puzzle somehow. Let us not forget Gruden's time with the birds as Offensive Coordinator.

    I don't know where this fits in, but ESPN did a story on the Eagles' playoff beards, and a lot of the players said they get some funny looks on the street, and that it is not halping their chances with the ladies. Andy Reid said the worst thing about it is that the cheese wiz from mad steaks get caught in his hypercolor nappiness (okay, he didn't quite use that terminology). Incredible. He also said, "I'm just glad the focus is on my beard and not my belly."

    Fuck Kurt:

    Fuck Hightower:

    Fuck Fitzgerald:

    Fuck Edgerrin:

    Fuck Breaston:

    I can't say fuck Anquan because he was a Nole:

    With all of the dudes with dreads on their team (minus Spach; plus Asante on our squad), the game is probably going to look something like this:

    We gonna have us some fun.

    Have an amazing time in Cali, Chief. Say what up to the west coast heads for me. Maybe you can catch a Dana Carmel show while you're out there:

    Go Nads. And aw, fuck it, I'm saying it. Go birds! You all know which Birds I mean.

    I'll try to keep chillaxed.

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  4. How does it feelto be an IDIOT and a racist punk? YOu run your mouth about white this and white that when everyone knows you wish you were white? Get over it son. We gave you a president you can worship, half white/half african, what more do you want? YOU WANT TO BE WHITE!! LOL at your silly dream. Keep running off about how great everything dreadlocked is, unless a white guy has them. Never mention HOW MUCH THEY STINK! Wash up nasty boys, yu inda big time now.By the way, dumbass, Philly only has a chance because Andy got McNabb's attention by benching him. God Bless America and slay our ememies(muslims) around the world! And lastly, LINK sucks and so did the mod squad! GET A HAIRCUT YOU FRUITY ARSE BOBO!

  5. I am your father Cewa!

  6. Hey falcon, the cowboys suck.

  7. These Anonymous fools are engaging in terrorist attacks on blog sites!

    The haters are in effect...NO ONE IS SAFE!

    However i'm sure everyone is amused and entertained by it, because I know I am.

  8. Ahhh, birds. So close. We had the table set.

  9. In honor of inauguration day, which is going to be awes, please enjoy this video (made even better by bad dubbing):

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