Thursday, January 22, 2009

GOD-DOG-IT!!!!

Before we move on to other pressing matters, I feel it important to say a few things about the terrible, hideous, malodorous game of football last Sunday, the game that once again confirmed the Birds' reputation as suspect big-game performers.

I made several sucky predictions and will the first to say I have nobody to blame but myself. I drank the kool-aid willingly, and it was the wrong decision. Or was it? How was I to know that Jim Johnson, so often the bedrock of success around here, a man I called a genius only days ago, would be decisively out-coached by a guy named Todd Haley?

How could I have foreseen David Akers taking this special opportunity on this huge stage and unleashing a diarrhea bomb for the entire state of Arizona to smell?

Greg Lewis dropping a pass? Unheard of.

And not even Zoltar could grant the necessary power of intuition required to see Donovan McNabb allowing a 4th quarter drive to end in the other team celebrating like a black man had been elected president. How was I, or anyone, capable of seeing so many unlikely events occurring at once in the same game?

Oh wait, I know: BECAUSE ALL OF THESE THINGS HAVE HAPPENED BEFORE.

Which brings me back to kool-aid, the sweet delicious killer. I chose to drink it knowing Jim Johnson had been outsmarted in big playoff games before, against St. Louis in 2001, Tampa Bay in 2002, and New England in 2004, three gigantic games in which our defense couldn't hold a lead, make a key stop, and/or make a play when we needed it. Yes, the players play the game and are responsible as well, but I have a problem with the scheme when Larry Fitzgerald is running around in single-coverage catching touchdowns.

I gulped it down despite not having any confidence in Akers beyond 45 yards since back when Sammy Dalembert was eating chicken patties and curly fries in the Seton Hall cafeteria.

Greg Lewis is not even worthy of an analogy of any sort. He's like that box of stale pasta that has been in your cupboard for 5 years, that you actually hate looking at but haven't thrown away for some reason. It's old and bowtie, a style you don't like in the first place, and it wouldn't have tasted good even fresh and with the best of ingredients. But there it sits. Every stinking time you open the cupboard. Shit, I just gave him an analogy he doesn't deserve.

Which leads to me Donovan McNabb. I will try to avoid unfair criticism because he did play well. The bottom line is that he had the ball in his hands with a chance to tie the game in the 4th quarter and he couldn't do it. Is it all his fault? No, of course not, but this, similar to the other things listed above, is not a new development. Don has failed so many times now with the game in his hands that it is no longer merely troubling, it is a trend. He's a good quarterback but not a leader, a great athlete but not a great competitor, and most vexing for us Philly fans, a success but not a winner.

So what else did this game prove? It proved that God is racist and prefers white quarterbacks to black safeties. It proved that a stud receiver makes a difference. It proved that the NFL is weird and almost any team can get hot for a month and make the Super Bowl. And it proved that no matter how much "house money" a team plays with, or how little a team has to lose, it is totally demoralizing when the season ends and the Arizona Cardinals have just beaten you.

Onward and upward.

16 comments:

  1. Curtis should have caught that pass, plus it was P.I. I really can't place too much blame on 5 for this one - he brought the team back in the second half when it would have been just as easy to roll over and die.

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  2. It was not P.I.. Plain and simple Kevin Curtis is to blame. His blonde mullet got in the way of making a season saving catch. I will forever hate him for his drop but his mullet inspires courage and daring. The birds are in trouble. Runyan is gone, Tra is gone, who is going to protect 5? They need a big back but we know that will never happen.

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  3. At first I thought Raleigh said we needed a big black, and a nodded in agreement. Then i read we need a big BACK, and i nod in agreement, but only hope he is a big black as well.

    i don't blame Don and I'm glad I haven't had to listen to the haters...hate. I do think it was P.I. and I also think Curtis should've caught that ball. BUT, i also blame the defense, which I don't like to do, but they put together 4 good series in a row, and the rest of the game was the pits.

    Also, best picture ever of L. Fitzgerald.

    And lastly, I love bow tie pasta and have at least four boxes in my cupboard that can't, together, have more than 25 bow ties in them. And now I will be forced to eat said bow ties while thinking about G. Lewis and his ugly mug. Thanks for ruining pasta for me, Chief.

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  4. Pure genius, Chief. I luh the Gerg Lewis commentary. What a fucking bum. He should not even be on the field to have the opportunity to drop a pass.

    With regards to Akers, I enjoyed your chosen hyperlink, but you could have also gone with this:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkjpRtJOF4o

    The D was D-pressing. They really did not show up.

    A couple of sad points:

    1. Even with how terribly the birds played this season up until the final few weeks; even with all the luck that it took to get there, the Eagles were a better team than the Cardacians:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jePw2w-k1hc

    2. Even when the birds were awful, they beat the Stillers.

    3. I realized today that there are 2 weeks before the uber bowl of listening to sports commentators talk at length about the fucking stillers and cardinals when they could be talking about the birds, and how they are going to win the super bowl. I will be avoiding sportscenter.

    4. I also stirred and gulped the Kool Aid:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjacMS7Siqw

    Still, the picture of Big Chuck with his soaked gut and big jolly smile gave me solace.

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  5. For the record, the Curtis Blow play was definitely P.I.:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fdzRnS3VuY

    And he should have caught it.

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  6. Stupid friggin kool-aid!
    I watched the game in the bar at the Paramount Hotel in New York near the tourist trap that is Times Square, and the bartender pouring my coca cola was from the Jersey shore.. I knew we were doomed, I left Philly to improve our luck and take over the world as usual, and as happens rarely it provided neither.. Boo! I did romp about Williamsburg and the Lower East Side (heath clubs, health? club? hmmm) and practice my nihongo choto, that was ok.. Overall chief naka (if you google that this blog appears, that's how I'm here I think, either that or someone told me about it I forget) you are right about all you say I feel. Last time I was here I saw folks from the stone age dressed in weird gear among other things, I stopped back to see what ya'll thought about that game.. ugh that's all I say..
    kool aid sucks
    -lance amsterdam

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  7. First of all it is all completely McNabb's fault. Who gives a shit if we tied it up in the in 3 and 4, 1 and 2 were disgusting and McNabb went 28-47-1, most of the bullshit happening in the 1st and 2nd when he threw well behind every intended receiver every time. Werner went 21-28-0, I'm not saying give it to a less than 100% B. Westbrook or Buckhalter, follow Werner's example in making intelligent passes. Even though it was very clear, It shouldn't come down to an unmade P.I. call on Lewis, there were plenty of other botched opportunities, we should have won the 1st half. McNabb is to blame, he doesn't want to take Pam Lutz's or Mr. B's job, he wants to be paid to be the helmsman of a middle/working class town's football team, he therefore is subject to scrutiny and criticism.
    I can't even hold Jim Johnson accountable. the man has done so much for so many years, I can however blame Quintin Demps, what the fuck is that guy thinking? Why the fuck is a rookie covering Larry Fitzgerald by himself when we have a decorated secondary that is the pride of the entire organization. He tripped over his own feet- I felt like I was driving by a Pop Warner game on Walnut and Henry. I'm not going to even mention the late hit on Werner, it was probably the smartest thing he did last Sunday.
    Let me concentrate on the positive: Rex Perkins and Ryan Hanlon. These 2 MENSA hopefuls are inspired visionaries. They didn't just poor gasoline on McNabb's lawn, they made sure it was diesel, I'm sure number 5 laughed it off like an incomplete pass.
    The only reason I'm ok with all of this is because it happens every year and as fans we can never get our hopes high enough to have them crushed too terribly. The real saving grace however are our beloved Phillies.

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  8. The hangover aside what would you rather have:

    1) An Eagles Super Bowl win in 2010?

    or

    2) A Phils repeat in 2009?

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  9. This week a Phils repeat 2009. 360 days from now a super bowl win.

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  10. I think I might rather see a Samuel Dalembert triple double than either of those things.

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  11. Sammy D has had a triple double before. The third stat was for ridiculous uncalled for goal-tendings but according to Harvey Pollack it counts...

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  12. Just so we're clear, "ridiculous uncalled-for goal-tendings" are simply referred to as "Dalemberts". And Sammy has more triple-doubles than Larry Bird and Magic Johnson combined.

    I'll take a Phils repeat in '09, cuz imagine what Chase Utley will say next time.

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  13. i think it's very clear. You are all F words, and I think we know what that means. Eagles are important to me, but Phils repeat would be prices, if only bc it would mean heartache for the Mets. Long live Sammy D.

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  14. By "prices" i mean Priceless. Damn you Fine Tone.

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