Wednesday, January 21, 2009

History Is Made!

Today we awake in a glorious new world where Shane Victorino signs for a measly $3 million and Elton Brand returns to the fold as the higher paid version of Reggie Evans, and where a great and beloved black man can aspire to our nation's highest office!! It's true!! Obama?!? Marlon/Morandini '16!!

Meanwhile the Phightins are trying to play Tim Geithner and bailing out all last years role players with million dollar deals that border on the reasonable. Ryan Madson locked up for 3 years at 12 millions, Chad Durbin for just over 1 mill, and J Dafoe for 2 years at 5. All this seems fair to your DR editors and made even more so by the fact that the big chocolate guy in the middle wants Iverson money just so he can re-establish his rightful place as the strikeout king of the world after a late season hot streak left him just short of the crown. 18 MILLION IS TOO MUCH!!!! We could buy 36 Chan Ho Parks with that money for chrissake!!! And then form them into an uber Chan Ho Park, somewhat similar to Voltron but way more into bukkakke.

But anyway, the Sixies came within a German 18-footer of evening their record at .500 on MLK day. Myself and Ms DiabloGrande were in attendance and I can tell you that the Sixies comeback from 12 down with 2 minutes left reminded me of the North Africa campaign, except in this version General Rommell looks like Jim Carrey and controls a giant Luftwaffe bomber squadron, and Reggie Evans is an undersized power forward with a short wingspan trying in desperation and ultimately in vain to stop the bombs from falling.

But soon we'll be back, led by a resurgent Sammy D who's no doubt spent the long layoff between games perfecting the behind-the-back dribble he used with such devastating effectiveness against Big D.


  1. "Ball playas and actors be knowin' my rhymes/ And you know, yes you know." Apparently, I didn't listen to the next line of that song because I thought it was rap for me (Flintskins will get it).

    Pro athletes are greedy as a mo. Fatty Mcstrikeout is going to want more and more... And we should probably give it to him. Still, if greed is what they're in it for, there will be no teams left for the Yankees to play against.

  2. Fatty McStrikeout? Hillarious!

    Chan Ho Park loves bukkake (very hard word to spell, no?), so true! Just ask this guy:

  3. Hmmmm, one Ryan Howard or 36 Chan Ho Parks? Tough call on that one. Would uber Chan Ho's bukkake fetish be a distraction in the locker room? I think we need to pay Big Brown and live with the K's. Check the production. Unprecedented.

  4. Spelling bukkake is no challenge for EDG. It is part of his daily vocabulary.

    Go chocolate fatty! Keep eating subway cheesesteaks and you'll be "in the ummmmmm, hall of fame."