Thursday, December 3, 2009

Big Head Todd...I Mean Placido

What a glorious week in Philly sports this has been...and it's only Thursday! First, the stock of all local TGI Fridays has skyrocketed with the news of A.I.'s return, and now Placido Polanco is back. We all know that since the Phils jettisoned Pete Happy they had a gaping hole bigger than Firm's butthole at third. This signing plugs said hole like Stand Watie alone in a room with a plastic vagina. Let us examine why this signing is a good one for our beloved Phillies.

  • Feliz's career batting average is .254, Polanco's is .303
  • Pedro had a better than average year at the plate last year hitting .266 while Placido was below average and still bettered Pedro by almost 20 points at .285
  • Spillz's authentic Phils Polanco jersey is in vogue again.
  • Pedro, considered by many a great defensive third baseman, has a career fielding percentage at third of .964. Polanco, who has played mostly second, has a career fielding percentage at third of .982. (Full disclosure, Polanco has only 36.2% of the total chances at third that Pedro does).
  • New Era will finally have something to do with all those size 12 3/4 Phillies hats that they have made.
  • As far as the power numbers go, they are closer than you may think. Feliz: 135HR & 558 RBI, Placido: 90HR 579 RBI. (Polanco does have roughly 1700 more ABs)
  • Big Head has a career OPS of .762, Feliz .715
  • Pedro has 622 career Ks compared to Placido's 391(in 1700 more ABs)
There you have it folks, the numbers don't lie, and neither do huge heads. It surely seems like Polanco is the better choice and we're only paying him 1 million more than Petey was scheduled to make this year. And anyone who says different is dumb.


  1. way to crunch those numbs dude. The biggest head in sports is back in Philly. Did he have a clever fan club name? I can't remember. If not, what should it be?

  2. Though i agree with the bul bubak, i'd like to point out that between 'dro and bruntlett the Phillies have lost two tremendous beards. this makes it that much more important that we retain Chan Ho Park.

  3. I say we become the anti Yankees and require facial hair for all players no matter how silly it may look.

  4. Warf from Star Trek the Next Generation is jealous of this muthfucka. So is Barf from Spaceballs.

  5. Dude, that gaping hole pic needs a disclaimer, I just fuckin ate....

  6. My wife read your comment Flintskins and remarked, "But Skins has always just eaten, no offense."

  7. Tell her that I learned it from watching you.

  8. The gaping hole is pretty sick... And I now have some new J.O. material.

    I am quite excited to have Sir Peanut head back in a Phils uni.

    Placido's Flacidos? Anyone? Anyone? Polanco's mongos?