Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Don't Trust Me, Trust Number 6

Okay, some administrative business to get out of the way before I delve into the true topic at hand. I was wrong. I’m man enough to admit that my prediction was further proof that I have absolutely no business gambling or participating in any activity that could possibly result in my losing money, as I would end up a poor, poor man. That being said, I’m not unhappy about the game. In this era of equal rights, we should not be inherently disappointed when a collective of criminals and those of questionable sexual orientation (the two are not mutually exclusive, Pacman) edges us out in an otherwise spectacularly entertaining football game. The main thing that should make you Birds fans happy is that the overwhelming favorite far from overwhelmed us, we stood our ground and refused to lay down, much like our own Stand Watie in the face of strip club bouncers. Take away a few missteps and the W ends up on our side. That being said, I have a few things I, Flintskins, would have done differently:

- I would have gone for two after one of the touchdowns. You make the conversion, and Donovan is fighting to get to field goal range at the end of the game, not trying to create big plays that will make a touchdown feasible. Knowing you need to just get close, and not all the way changes the approach and makes it less do-or-die tense. If you don’t get the conversion, well you’re no better or worse off than you are down five points as opposed to four.

- I would have beat DeSean Jackson mercilessly on the sideline for his cute little “what I’ma do is throw the ball away BEFORE I get to the endzone and become a sportscenter highlight reel god” maneuver. Well, I would have left his arms and legs alone, we need those, but everything else is fair game. Yes, we scored a very easy touchdown right after, but that really doesn’t make me much happier about it. After giving his game paycheck to B-West, somebody needs to drop the dude. Rookies need to be a little more humble. And the lil bastard cost me fantasy points.

- Finally, I would have tried to pressure Romo more. Look what happened the two times we successfully got to him, a fumble that resulted in a TD, and an interception (finally, Asante). I don’t know if the Dallas O-Line is that good or if Jim Johnson didn’t run enough blitzes (lord knows he should have, they weren’t doing much when they weren’t blitzing), but we needed to get to Shitty Tony more. At least we proved that Jessica is the man in that relationship the few times we reached him. Watch for more of it December 28th.

Moving on....

With that out of the way, it’s worth discussing that the Phillies are BACK IN FIRST PLACE! The Phils have certainly won some major games lately (including but not limited to a 4-game sweep of the Brewers over the weekend, in the event you were with Big Firm on his week long PCP bender. We wish him a speedy and successful detox) and are now in the drivers seat. Ghost riding the whip is one Ryan James Howard who decided to wait until September to remind us all (Firm) that we would be morons to trade him. I don’t want to get too much into this, or get too excited as with eleven games to play anything can happen. But, that being said, it would be outright irresponsible of me to not point out that the Mets, while not ready for the bodybag yet, are starting to make very audible gurgling noises and are developing a lovely blue hue, generally associated with some manner of esophageal blockage. Making the Heimlich more difficult for them is that we’ve won five straight, they’ve lost three straight, and they still have a four game series with the Cubs before the season ends. Awesome.

Tonight, the recently promoted J.A. Happ takes the mound for the Phils against a guy I’ve never heard of named Jair Jurrjens (who actually has respectable numbers). We haven’t lost in Turner Field yet this season, and it would be great if we did not pick tonight to start doing so. Happ will need plenty of offense, as he has not proven that he sees giving up runs as “bad” but we’re very capable of that, and he’s not kyle Kendrick, so we have that going for us. I’m taking a hiatus from score predictions after Monday, but I have faith in my team. Go Phils.

PS: Some of you tell me that the hyperlinks are your favorite part of the DR. Undoubtedly you will have noticed that I have not included any. After my last post, I thought it would be best to lay off the linking for a bit. Enjoy.


  1. How can you say you hate gambling when you won $300 in AC just last week?

    You are on fire (pro-homo), Flintskins, with the posts. I am thoroughly enjoying your literary gza.

    You could have at least hyperlinked to the USS Howard story that you e-mailed to me.

    And lastly, "That's my quarterback...That's my team."

  2. Fine Tone, back in the fold. Couldn't be sweeter (i.e. gayer).

    I may or may not have wished death upon ryan howard a dozen times this year. But why relive the past. Ryan Howard damn well might be the MVP of the league, even if he can't gain my permanent favor. At least he's been replaced by Burrell as the most striking out miki fiki on the squad.

    PCP makes me think of Matt Levinger. Am I alone there?

  3. "P-thee-P! P-thee-peeeeeee! Steeeevie Theeeeee!"


    Flintskins is a more prolific writer than El Diablo...Yes, E.D.G., that is a challenge. Get typing, dick-lick.

    I love Hauwurd. He's not a bum. Don't trade 'im.

  4. The DR is for me.

  5. I've just installed iStripper, and now I enjoy having the sexiest virtual strippers on my taskbar.