Friday, June 19, 2009

What the Bumbo Claat?

I fancy myself as pretty hip. Not a hipster, but hip no less. You know, up to date on all the new fads spreading amongst our youth, confusing our elderly, and directly increasing the amount of illegitimate children in this country. Back when I was rocking Structure polos, the running man could not be topped. Get in a circle at your weekly Bar Mitzvah, encourage your friends to run in place and waive their hands to Tribe Called Quest, and ultimately watch Shiz introduce the Roger Rabbit to the masses. Fast forward to what really may be the lowest moment in American pop culture, when two social security-receiving Mexicans took over the world with their tantalizing version of movement, also known as the Macarena. As a proud straight man, I proudly confirm that I never have done that shit... not on the dance floor, at a sporting event, or in front of my bathroom mirror.

In more recent times, kids have taken favor to the Soldier Boy, which I, unfortunately, don't find particularly compelling. But just when I was ready to hang up my Usher shoes, my man Ben puts me on to an article, and in turn, some new flavor that I simply must welcome with open arms.

Some of you may be aware that Jamaicans aren't just smoking weed, harvesting guavas, and racing bobsleds. And by some of you, I mean Giul and Liz. But beyond those truly accurate stereotypes, Jamaicans are confronting something far more debilitating than suffering through Taye Diggs' fake accent and fishnet tanktop. Indeed, many have broken penises, bruised tailbones, and the daily shame that accompanies this madness. I present to you... DAGGERING:

Daggering - More related videos from Asterpix

First, we can all acknowledge that this rhythmic motion is aptly named. I urge you all to close your eyes, throw on your favorite Beenie Man jam, light some incense, and imagine Giul getting dragged onto the dance floor by Hussain Bolt for some good ol' fashion daggering. Of course that would require a higher degree of flexibility and stamina then Giul likely has to offer, but the image is enchanting no less. Who comes up with this shit? I find my hips gyrating just watching that tiring piece of video.

Point being, daggering is the way forward, and at the next Chief Naka dance party, rest assured, the Big Firm is bringing the Jamaican heat to South Philly.