Tuesday, August 28, 2007

A History of Violence

Are you scared of the man in this picture? Be honest. It's okay if you are. Seriously Fintan, you can admit your scared. We won't judge you.

Ha! Fooled all of you. The man in the picture is DEAD. But, were he still alive, it's almost certain that a certain 6'11" Haitian born naturalized Canadian center would not be afraid of him, even if he did point a finger in said naturalized Canadian's grill and threaten him with bodily harm.

One would think other local athletes would follow SD's lead and be unintimidated by those frailer, older, less physically imposing and more paraplegic than they. Sadly this is not the case. Example A being Phillies closer Brett Myers, who threatened to kill an aging and mustachioed beat writer by the name of Sam Carchidi during a postgame presser the other day.

Carchidi, as you can see from his photo, is slightly more nerdy, older and less intimidating than the Phillies closer. He also has nothing in common with Christopher Reeve (at least that the Dalembert Report is aware of). And yet, the two are inextricably linked through the vagaries of Google image search. Cosmic.

Anyway, here's a transcript of Myers' and Carchidi, thanks to the magical power of Bill Gates. There's audio of it somewhere but I'm too lazy to go searching for it. It's much more hilarious to read anyway.

Sam Carchidi: “You thought they both were pop ups?” (ed. note: these were the two home runs Myers had just given up to lose the game.)

Brett Myers: “Yeah, didn’t you? You think they crushed ‘em?”

SC: “The first one I thought was out, the second one no.”

BM: “Yeah, cause you’re a retard, you don’t know shit about f***in’ baseball. You’re filling in for somebody.”

SC: “How do you spell ‘retard’?”

BM: “You know how to spell it, it’s in your f***in’ vocabulary, I’m sure you know.”

SC: “You are classy, I’ll tell ya.”

BM: “Go on. [Get] outta here, you f***in’ idiot.”

SC: [pointing at Brett Myers] “You’re the f***in’ idiot.”

BM: “Hey! You pointin’ at me motherfucker?! I’ll tell you what, dude, I’ll knock you mutherf***ing out! FUCK YOU!!! You’re tough when f***in’ people are standing in front of you, aren’t you, you piece of shit! Come on! You fucking idiot. Yeah, you’re tough when f***in’ people are standing in front of you, you stupid ass.”

SC: “I’m a retard?”

BM: “Yeah, that’s right, YOU ARE, you’re a fucking idiot. You ask stupid ass fucking questions!”