The DR has an extra special treat for you kiddies on this fine Monday afternoon. Our very own whale-pant-wearing wearing West Coast correspondent Trapped Under Rice has decided to bless the masses with his opinions on JC Romero-gate, Steely Dan, and the Cherry Hill Mall.
According to Wikipedia Cherry Hill New Jersey is 24.4 square-miles. In that 24.4 square-mile plot there are 8 GNC's and 2 Rite-Aids with GNC's inside- that's a GNC about every two-odd miles. If Selig and his cronies want to make an example of J.C. Romero for using legal over-the-counter substances J.C. should appeal on the grounds that he was systematically relegated to a neighborhood where he, had to buy the unnamed substance.
Maybe he went to the GNC in the Cherry Hill Mall? Maybe he wanted to buy Steely Dan's, 'Two Against Nature' album? But because Cherry Hill sucks and there's no more Tower Records there, J.C. couldn't buy the daft duo's 2000 record; discouraged and suffering from CHMB (Cherry Hill Mall Boredom) he was forced to go to GNC where he had to buy the unnamed substance.
Prior to 'Two Against Nature' Steely Dan put out 7 more than impressive records and the Dan is arguably one of the most important American bands. But because they were never praised when they were relevant, the powers that be gave them a Grammy too late for their shittiest record.
J.C. Romero and Steely Dan were dealt similar plights - granted the former was decried and the latter praised - but both at the mercy of their respective institutions. Barry fucking Bonds had no business breaking Hammerin' Hanks long-standing home run record when he's jacked up on roids like Evan Carr catching wreck in the Little Gym. MLB should have penalized Bonds (amongst others) but they didn't and everyone knew the shitty truth. Now MLB wants to put their foot down and punish Romero, a hardworking man in the thankless blue-collar position of being a reliever.
Selig needs to recognize 3 key points:
1. Unnamed substance is over the counter and was allegedly approved by the Players Association, an organization condoned by MLB.
2. That the substance in question is violently more available to J.C. Romero (and any other player living in Cherry Hill for that matter) than most places in the United States.
3. Only a Fool Would Say That.
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So TRUE! GNC is taking over the world. Thankfully for some (i.e. me) that means plenty of opportunity to whip out the trust gold card for the first 7 days of each month. Regrettably for others (i.e. those actually tested for drugs...apparently the bankruptcy court has no beef with bacne) that provides more opportunity to do shit that seems and should be completely legal yet gets them in trouble no less.
ReplyDeleteI have nothing to contribute on the Steely Dan front, but I'm with you, something is terribly awful about this whole scenario.
JC is a martyr (albeit a dumbass Puerto Rican one) and his unjust persecution will provide the galvanizing spark that the Phils need to fire up the heavy head wearing the crown.
ReplyDeleteBrilliant Post.
Uptown Baby! Uptown Baby!
"JC was a carpenter."
ReplyDeletei hope next time evan carr googles himself this is what comes up.
ReplyDeleteYour Evan Carr comment was perfect. Does anyone remember C. Carr his father, AKA the first parent to ever beat up a ref at an 8 year olds soccer game?
ReplyDeleteMike W.
I saw Evan Carr not that long ago.
ReplyDeleteHe was dressed in a full tuxedo and working as a waiter for a catering company.
Evan Carr was no Evan Schiff.... Or Evan Leary, for that matter. In fact, I have no fucking idea who Evan Carr is, but hopefully, he is some relation of David.
ReplyDeleteThe best Carr, bar none, is Antoine Car.
ReplyDeleteHow bout Donnie?
ReplyDeletei think bubak will agree that the car conversation begins and ends with the legendary Partay Carr.
ReplyDeleteTim, I take it back. Donnie Carr WAS and IS the best carr. Although he is not the best LaSalle Explorer, a toss up between KeZell Wesson and Kareem Townes
ReplyDeletePartay Carr, Paris Carr and LeMoyne Carr are collectively the best Carr's
ReplyDeleteWhat about Clark Carr?
ReplyDeletehttp://www.imdb.com/name/nm0139650/
Flintskins may have the flu, but he is also (f)unemployed. I expect more posts out of you, sir.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I am s(jew)uing you for libel after your recent appearance on "If It Ain't Broke."
You mean slander, but that would imply that anything I said wasn't true. Carrier.
ReplyDeleteThe Jews run the control the animals, the MUDBONES clean up after. Ilike it that way.
ReplyDelete