tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-81805528939908017482024-03-05T04:00:00.978-05:00The Dalembert ReportTirelessly chronicling life, Philly sports, and the hilarious misadventures of the great Samuel Dalembert.eldiablograndehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15280320680341174613noreply@blogger.comBlogger358125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180552893990801748.post-41109402738576551982012-01-13T19:33:00.003-05:002012-01-13T19:48:40.374-05:00Reminiscing on Park Jams<a href="http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lpm9ugLdhz1r16k7fo1_500.png"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 500px; height: 328px;" src="http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lpm9ugLdhz1r16k7fo1_500.png" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />In the spirit of easing back in to barely posting updates, I took a little trip down memory lane within the past hour, and I'm plain befuddled. There once existed a time when we, your mighty DR overlords, were actually funny, dare I say good at this blogging shit. While we wipe away the cobwebs and warm up the writing engines, I urge you all to take this walk with us to a better, more prolific time. With pride, I present to you:<br /><br /><a href="http://thedalembertreport.blogspot.com/2008_10_01_archive.html">THE GREATEST MONTH OF YOUR LIFE</a><br /><br />I even finally opened some of DVDubs youtube links in the comments (not all, I know it's a long weekend but I'd prefer to leave the house at some point). The guy has some serious issues and conditions that clearly need to be addressed, but not bad work at all really. Salute.Flintskinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06877250251249422488noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180552893990801748.post-24535281090726524072012-01-10T21:29:00.003-05:002012-01-10T21:39:23.174-05:00Back Like I Left Something<a href="http://www.yardbarker.com/media/3/b/3beeeced25214a82eb10bf3edf52d3af28f2d565/xl/lou-williams-sixers.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 594px; height: 393px;" src="http://www.yardbarker.com/media/3/b/3beeeced25214a82eb10bf3edf52d3af28f2d565/xl/lou-williams-sixers.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br />Without shame, I am admitting that I have made a power jump on to your FIRST PLACE Sixers bandwagon. A first place, I may add, that I solely attribute to the <a href="http://www.tamegoeswild.com/thedailymumble/uploaded_images/rabbits_head-722856.JPG">death of the reprehensible Hip-Hop</a>. While I fight my way up to the driver's seat, I assure you that all are welcome and that the water is warm. The real question is, and this is important, as some giveback for flying the flag this late in the game, should the DR be resurrected? The ball is in your proverbial court, DR readership. Do we got next, or do we take this ball and go home. Time is yours folks, comments decide it.<br /><br />Go Sixers.Flintskinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06877250251249422488noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180552893990801748.post-27176403093726633692011-05-13T13:42:00.000-05:002011-05-13T13:43:06.372-05:00??<iframe width="560" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/bEQt9FANGkw" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>Flintskinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06877250251249422488noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180552893990801748.post-54262418117136558732010-06-17T13:36:00.008-05:002010-06-17T13:47:12.551-05:00He's Gone.This admittedely half-assed, sheer reactionary post is brought to you in pure shock. I can't find the words...it's just, I mean, the wound, it's too fresh and raw. There will be plenty of time to regain composure later, and write from the heart, but all I can say now, is that our fearless leader, our hero, Samuel Davis "Slammin Sammy D" Dalembert is no longer a Sixer. He and his severely bloated contract have just been traded to the Kings. For two fucking white people. <br /><br />More very sure to come, in the meantime, let's all take a moment, pour out some liquor, raise a lighter in the air, and watch the following.<br /><br /><object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/BYAGywuvpFg&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/BYAGywuvpFg&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object><br /><br />Fuck you, Stefanski.Flintskinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06877250251249422488noreply@blogger.com63tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180552893990801748.post-46906662957861487962010-06-07T12:54:00.003-05:002010-06-07T12:55:26.560-05:00Africa...soccer..AND KELS?If the Phanatic was in this video, it would have absolutely everything I love in the world. <br /><br /><object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/daDDJ0GlZkQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/daDDJ0GlZkQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>Big Firmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04191014047363664055noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180552893990801748.post-21890243945575378352010-05-20T16:42:00.003-05:002010-05-20T16:46:00.206-05:00Shut Up, DanDR stalker DVDubs sent the below vid to me this morning, insisting it be posted. While I wanted to spite him, I also don't want him breaking into my house to steal my dirty underpants, so here it is. As this genre of video goes, nothing will ever top <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21OH0wlkfbc">Bert and Ernie doing "Ante Up"</a>, but this has Jake, so that's cool. Enjoy, and if you don't, tell that to Dan.<br /><br /><object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/UKzVhRxJQdQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/UKzVhRxJQdQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>Flintskinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06877250251249422488noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180552893990801748.post-12927189690153678052010-05-04T22:48:00.003-05:002010-05-04T23:30:41.221-05:00Awkward is as Awkward DoesI was trying to think of the most awkward moment in my life the other day, and <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Au_8GMUxVs">struggling</a> to find that one perfect instance of unbelievable discomfort. Few have had the "shit-pants-on-bridge-then-tell-future-wife-about-it" moment to reflect on, laugh about, and ultimately relish. So when a most unremarkable Sunday became, well... remarkable, it provoked some thought. Query: can someone else's most insufferable awkward moment become one's one <a href="http://ballsiest.com/sportsblog/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/mets-suck.jpg">awkward momen</a>t? Quite simply, yes. Yes it can. <br /><br />Let me set the scene. Eldiablgogrande recently decided to move into a beautiful new home with his lovely wife and two dogs. To execute this task, he collected the finest and strongest, the most diligent and energetic, the best strategic thinkers LWFs can buy -- Mr. Fine Tone and Mr. Juice. And what does one do after they move? One holds a makeshift sidewalk sale to sell one's crap. Well "sell" would be a misnomer. Apparently there isn't a high demand on the streets of Northern Liberties for 5 inch bright colored pumps. Or any of Sayeh's shit. <br /><br />But what is there a high demand for in what used to be the badlands of our fair city? <a href="http://www.latimesmagazine.com/2010/05/kobe-white-hot.html">Gays</a>. Gays, trannies, <a href="http://yepyep.gibbs12.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/america_chesthair.jpg">well-groomed chest hair</a>, super tight shorts (on dudes), and festive people feasting on water ice and enjoying a sunny, humid day in their finest overpriced shades. That's right, NoLibs was having a gay festival of sorts. And we have decided to sell things that don't appeal to anyone other than our favorite new homeowners, a shameful shortcoming to say the least. So there we sit, comfortably reclined in lawn chairs on a very small sidewalk, where winter coats are draped over doors, can openers are offered at discounted prices, pit-stained wifebeaters are practically giving themselves away. <br /><br />Contemplating leaving because (a) sales are slower than a tased phillies fan, and (b) I don't want to get stuck packing this worthless crap up, I glance to my left and take inventory of the scene. Fast approaching are three gentleman, gliding through the air, chests thrust in the air, chins held high, hands interlocked (ok, maybe I made that up). One white, one black, one presumably latino, it's all a blur at this point. I look to Eldiablo, he glances back...is it? Could it be? No. Is this happening? I feel awkward, awkward for him, awkward for myself, awkward for Campy, wherever he is. <br /><br />Like any mature soon-to-be thirty year old man, I hide behind a newspaper, blushing like a 7th grader walking back to the Wissahickon Skating Rink from the Chestnut Hill Academy fields, praying the discomfort passes like a fart in the wind. What does our fearless editor-in-chief do? He stares the feared enemy down, cracks a sly smile, and utters "Hey, howwwwwyaaaadoing"? To which he gets nothing. Perhaps some meat gazing, a rise out of the other man's loins, but nothing more. No hello, no "go phillies," no "i hate you, you ruined my life." Nothing. <br /><br />And seeing as there are only a select few who frequent this here blogesphere, and one of them witnessed the crime itself, dare I challenge our readers: NAME THE CULPRIT IN QUESTION, he who momentarily redefined the term "awkward." Who floated by our stoop wearing a safari hat? Who you all know? The floor is yours...Big Firmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04191014047363664055noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180552893990801748.post-44973130722023542962010-04-26T16:37:00.008-05:002010-04-26T17:06:03.463-05:00Locked Down<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsk5AzmoJX6UDMfuqgsX5WIzWG-jTlpafFPSPLRAzsa_sq5Tfmt4Mx_QfLx2mSxEzucQZVWSooaPw7uKmxcEK1mroMlzBjWJZ2H3o5kBp_1cAw9apw5GkBG3flnYE7PonrDTICpbiJOoU/s1600/RyHow+money+whip.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 202px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsk5AzmoJX6UDMfuqgsX5WIzWG-jTlpafFPSPLRAzsa_sq5Tfmt4Mx_QfLx2mSxEzucQZVWSooaPw7uKmxcEK1mroMlzBjWJZ2H3o5kBp_1cAw9apw5GkBG3flnYE7PonrDTICpbiJOoU/s400/RyHow+money+whip.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5464565597290590002" /></a><br />Attempting to have a debate about Philadelphia sports with a fan of Philadelphia sports is without fail a maddening experience. While it has been well documented that these debates tend to turn violent if you are taking a stance <a href="http://fights.caught-on-video.com/video/Philsmets-fan-fight">against Philadelphia sports teams</a>, trust me when I say that it is FAR worse and frustrating when both sides of the argument <a href="http://www.usatoday.com/communities/gameon/post/2010/04/phillies-fan-charged-with-intentionally-vomiting-on-cops-kid/1">are Philly fans</a>. As a prime personal example, for the past year or so, I have been in many frustrating arguments with Phillies fans regarding the future of Ryan Howard. There are MANY among us who already had him wearing that disgusting looking navy-pinstrip adorned uniform, some who assumed he'd be pahkin his fahkin cah nea Harhvad and playing in Fenway and many making assumptions that he would be Albert Pujols slightly cheaper replacment in Howard's hometown St. Louis. Any suggestion that he may actually stay here was met with stares of both <a href="http://www.imdb.com/media/rm1904314368/nm2443569">incredulity and sheer anger</a>, accusations of <a href="http://www.imdb.com/media/rm1128828672/nm2443569">mental illness/developmental disabilities</a> were hurled wilder than anything in Kyle Kendrick's repertoire. Yet, I carried through, staying <a href="http://www.unc.edu/courses/2008spring/law/357c/001/UACU/MartinandDrew.jpg">firm</a> in my position that unless Pujols made it very clear that he would not return to St. Louis and a spot was open for RyHow to take center stage in his hometown, it was supremely beneficial for him to remain a Phillie.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLt3y2yvCHdKTMnSoXPqy6Hp7N5PZNBazFspigNlZmxJtuJ56cA4tUgcDQ-nO18KHIvr5EFnkXOeCHoobBgEISIAnuA1zfA-yATadDAR4vEzUaKPo_paRI7_wfmj2xtE1DbgriASnkjqI/s1600/2644264464_a299941bc2.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 211px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLt3y2yvCHdKTMnSoXPqy6Hp7N5PZNBazFspigNlZmxJtuJ56cA4tUgcDQ-nO18KHIvr5EFnkXOeCHoobBgEISIAnuA1zfA-yATadDAR4vEzUaKPo_paRI7_wfmj2xtE1DbgriASnkjqI/s400/2644264464_a299941bc2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5464568710716897266" /></a><br />Why any of the above is relevant, is as you most likely have heard already (we're not freakin insiders, we find out when you do, many times LONG after), Ryan Howard, aka Big Brown, has agreed to a 5-year, $125 million extension that keeps him here through 2016. This is not only the third richest contract in the history of baseball, but is amazing news, and the perfect situation for the Phillies, RyHow and us fans. I understand that there are some RyHow haters out there, and some of you have some valid points - be it his tendency to slump, his long-standing inability to hit a left-handed breaking ball, impatience at the plate, large amounts of strikeouts are the most commonly used - but I will happily take some of the bad because his upside is GAME CHANGING. What he offers to the Phils with his bat (and now, shockingly also his glove) is a player that can singlehandedly win games, and his history down the stretch of the season has been nothing short of jaw dropping. For Howard, playing in the cozy confines of Citizens Bank Park in the lineup where it doesn't necessarily benefit a team having him pitched around, against National League pitching greatly increases his chances at attaching his name to some hitting records and helping pave a path to Cooperstown. Finally, for us, the fans, we get the pleasure of being part of the excitement the big guy brings every time he puts on the red and white. Also, it can't be discounted that potential free agent signees like to see a team that has locked up guys like Halladay, Howard, Utley, etc., as not only does it show them that they will be joining a team with proven winners locked in, but proves that they are considering a team that will take care of their biggest performers. Considering how our pitching is looking these days, I am happy for anything that could persuade any top notch hurlers. But that is a different column for a different day.<br /><br />One final thing that needs to be addressed about this signing is that lost in the outcry over the Cliff Lee trade was that signing him to a long term deal after doing the same with Roy Halladay would have tied up the Phillies' hands and not allowed them to make a move like this. Hidden between the lines of the head-scratching move that was the Cliff Lee/Mariners deal was something big, and many of us were too shocked to see it, but as I see it today proved that even when they seem to be making business decisions while concussed, we may very well have found ourselves in an era where the Phillies are doing their best to think ahead and always have something up their sleeve. Something like this creates enough good will for me to not question the next seemingly boneheaded move of the front office, and I suggest maybe we all give them some slack for the time being.<br /><br />But only if Kendrick gets sent down to the Iron Pigs. Oh, and fuck it, sign Pedro again. I'm not joking.Flintskinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06877250251249422488noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180552893990801748.post-43995635051193540362010-04-13T10:38:00.001-05:002010-04-13T10:38:43.646-05:00Another reason to love Chop<object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/6GIEHPGj9sI&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/6GIEHPGj9sI&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>Big Firmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04191014047363664055noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180552893990801748.post-5356109446604249712010-03-18T00:01:00.002-05:002010-03-18T00:18:29.096-05:00Getting His Unemployment On<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/img/08-06/0802andrews.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 350px; height: 394px;" src="http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/img/08-06/0802andrews.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />The Shawn Andrews Era has finally ended and what is there to say? The dude shoulda coulda woulda. In the end I feel justified for my initial feeling when we drafted him: "Wait, we drafted a dude who had to <span style="font-style:italic;">lose</span> 50 pounds to get down to 350?!?!" It seemed like a bad idea then, and it turned out that certain large men have delicate psyche's and bad backs. In general I think it's bad business taking on talent that weighs over 400 lbs, unless it's a talented actor, dancer, or<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UuEpouRT7bk"> both.</a> So goodbye Big Kid, and good luck, and may you're convergence of twitter and god bring you a life of happiness.#1 Chief Nakahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15336491970839226986noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180552893990801748.post-6804394760477078222010-03-05T00:07:00.002-05:002010-03-05T01:25:13.196-05:00Vanilla Sky Has FallenTwo years ago The DR draft coverage spotlighted a white boy of considerable intrigue: Joe Alexander, a kid who's combination of size and athleticism was surpassed only by his memorable nickname, Vanilla Sky. Turns out, two years later, that his size was irrelevant, his athleticism underwhelming, and his overall potential vastly inferior to his epic nickname. This season brought about a new low for the Vanilla One: a demotion to the NBA's D-League, a development farm for <a href="http://www.nba.com/dleague/playerfile/index.jsp?player=blake_ahearn">wannabes</a> and <a href="http://www.nba.com/dleague/playerfile/index.jsp?player=hasheem_thabeet">busts</a>. Turns out white guys <span style="font-style:italic;">can</span> jump. To the minors. And then I remembered something important: Vanilla Sky was an atrocious movie starring an <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFBZ_uAbxS0">atrocious crazyman</a>(long, only need to watch a minute to get the gist). Poor Joe never had a shot with a nickname like that. <br /><br /> But as I thought more about it I became fixated on the reality that in fact white men cannot play basketball very well. I began to scour NBA rosters to find American-born white folk with skills. And what I found was, frankly, gross and pathetic. The best white players aren't very good in the macro view, and they tend to be big ugly ogres who get by on heinous looks and technically perfect box-out techniques. Men like Chris Andersen, Kevin Love, Chris Kaman, Spencer Hawes, Troy Murphy, David Lee, and Brook Lopez. Then there's a whole crop of absurdly mediocre whitebreads who play further away from the hoop, with no increase in success, dudes like Mike Miller, Kirk Hinrich, Mike Dunleavy Jr., Kyle Korver, Luke Walton, Luke Ridnour, Jason Williams, Chase Buddinger, and the Matt's, Harpring, Carrol, and Bonner. Yes I left out some people, but does it matter? You know the state of the white-man has really hit a low point when Louis Amundson might be one of the top 15 caucasoids in the league. Truly, what would you trust any of these men to do well, other than pick out a polo shirt to match their khakis? <br /><br /> But I don't give up hope. Someday there will another white player with serious game, a man who can combine the game of Chris Paul with the skin of Ron Paul. Until then I will yearn for the days of Tom Chambers and <a href="http://www.checkoutmycards.com/CardImages/Cards/011/326/04F.jpg">Jack Sikma</a>, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N7FZLhADJM">Rex Chapman</a>, and even the poster boy, for being posterized, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMMex4jhL28">Shawn Bradley</a>. <br /><br /> I want to end on a sad note, the end of AI's marriage. How the hell a women stayed with this fella since high school without being accidentally shot by his posse amazes me, but something must have finally pushed her over the edge because she filed for divorce. Seriously, I'm full of sadness for the Iversons. This year has been a string of disappointments and disasters. No attempts at humor here, just saying I think it's sad. Like Vanilla Sky's career.#1 Chief Nakahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15336491970839226986noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180552893990801748.post-73540531115031158562010-03-04T23:31:00.005-05:002010-03-04T23:55:18.618-05:00Hate HurtsCan any of us really understand Fine Tone's dilemma at a deli counter, when he has only enough scratch to get extra cheese OR extra meat? Can we really relate to the unenviable position Jayson Werth is placed in when he must decide between the asian stripper and the czech one? For all the <a href="http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=4966336">horrible things that happen in this world</a>, man is too often forced to pick favorites as <a href="http://broadstreetscoop.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/roy_halladay_cliff_lee.jpg">between two things he really loves</a>. It's a modern day tragedy of the commons, really. <br /><br />Well tonight is no different. There is no hiding it, the Big Firm loves dogs. Even little shit ones who look like little shits. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKHP40TgtrhVX3V-2qdzMuFq0vpb8fNj61_etUe0u-TiAwM9j_Ag46Cn51h20MTg1WQFNpUieoQSK4bYDjsPZXqCW5qPESCeKd1NvprwRdmlIgQNlXAn043GTLsLpkyH1c6MLXSWd3cGY/s1600-h/charlie.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKHP40TgtrhVX3V-2qdzMuFq0vpb8fNj61_etUe0u-TiAwM9j_Ag46Cn51h20MTg1WQFNpUieoQSK4bYDjsPZXqCW5qPESCeKd1NvprwRdmlIgQNlXAn043GTLsLpkyH1c6MLXSWd3cGY/s400/charlie.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5445006262386255298" /></a><br /><br />Yet as much as I got love for dogs, I have as much, if not MORE love for black people.<br /> <br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLa2Vx9t4sh_2OkMzHrgUcJf70cFjQaWjMU8-UJdUkD2dsUAjP7PqxXwLfC4VOQ-yIcajAdNovUQO05wWxGE1zM4VeL7AOQsg-1IjQVCZGd7TDYKZNh-8iDS63sDZrG-qtnkz70K281sk/s1600-h/Black.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 267px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLa2Vx9t4sh_2OkMzHrgUcJf70cFjQaWjMU8-UJdUkD2dsUAjP7PqxXwLfC4VOQ-yIcajAdNovUQO05wWxGE1zM4VeL7AOQsg-1IjQVCZGd7TDYKZNh-8iDS63sDZrG-qtnkz70K281sk/s400/Black.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5445006862942336738" /></a><br /><br />So when this video came to my attention tonight, I felt torn. A dog...born and bred to hate black people? A canine white supremacist? A living creature that could hate a <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzMyUm-TGbc6f96fvbwL3DNEdrSHnjMUg7WkNRQJcQILejDZHvGM8PnZouIGAZ_BmsLFNqm_dHAlUzzQcF1Orr1yhKnPgKgbx9KducmkekeS3tFysLnkplWQKpZXWRuExXcxfHH7x8ZcSM/s400/Paul+Winfield+Star+Trek.jpg">black astronaut</a>? <br /><br />Behold the horror: White Dog<br /><br /><object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/dg-jabBZGq0&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/dg-jabBZGq0&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>Big Firmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04191014047363664055noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180552893990801748.post-8191897542168680072010-03-04T10:58:00.003-05:002010-03-04T11:45:05.888-05:00Joy to the WorldCould there be any more auspicious portent of spring than a photograph of Charlie Manuel blowing a bubble while cramming his hands down his pants? I didn't think so.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrGMAcXwWjeuHfU7oq3ydwwf8-AACLfLiyLUVZb66lDCDvmU_OrtVHwERQYVas_kiNCY0bvo0o8XtGTu1A2u4UQrNsMERFhRDNHbLRrZ2C-_EuWUCFfyy7HBNCFGvJ82zVw1LDHL3qo8E/s1600-h/uncle-charlie.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrGMAcXwWjeuHfU7oq3ydwwf8-AACLfLiyLUVZb66lDCDvmU_OrtVHwERQYVas_kiNCY0bvo0o8XtGTu1A2u4UQrNsMERFhRDNHbLRrZ2C-_EuWUCFfyy7HBNCFGvJ82zVw1LDHL3qo8E/s400/uncle-charlie.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5444817518003401122" border="0" /></a><br /><span class="fullpost"><br /></span>eldiablograndehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15280320680341174613noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180552893990801748.post-67359033857508547392010-03-02T15:47:00.012-05:002010-03-04T09:38:05.539-05:00Sporty Thieves<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i403.photobucket.com/albums/pp112/rabscuttle-fr/misc/Mark-Sanford-Piglets.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 232px;" src="http://i403.photobucket.com/albums/pp112/rabscuttle-fr/misc/Mark-Sanford-Piglets.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><span class="fullpost">It's not often that a well-known political figure starts beef with a member of the DR editorial staff. Sure, there was that time that Rick Santorum accused Bubak of bestiality, and that other occasion where Big Firm got punched in the face by Frank Rizzo Jr. for wearing his lime-green NAACP Legal Defense fund hoodie in the line at Geno's, but generally elected leaders know better than to tangle with us and our new-found appreciation for libel law.<br /><br />That all changed this week though, when former Phillie hall-of-famer Jim Bunning basically shit in the eye of our man Flintskins by refusing to sign an extension of jobless benefits, thus <a href="http://www.freep.com/article/20100302/NEWS07/3020313/1322/No-checks-for-jobless-because-of-1-man">single-handedly</a> depriving millions of Americans (including but not exclusive to the entirety of Northern Liberties <a href="http://www.yelp.com/biz/club-ozz-philadelphia">stripper population</a>), with their means of sustenance.<br /><br />Now, Bunning's turn in the news got me thinking about other athletes-turned-politicians, and these thoughts turned out to be fairly unpleasant. Sure, there are some <a href="http://www.nj.com/news/index.ssf/2010/02/gop_rallies_around_former_eagl.html">great success stories</a>, but for every Bill Bradley there are at least a dozen Lynn Swanns. The problem, I reasoned, is that that only the most narcissistic and self-aggrandizing athletes decide to go into politics when their playing days are done (think Curt Schilling). Most of the athletes we love would rather spend their time running a <a href="http://philadelphia.bizjournals.com/philadelphia/stories/2004/12/20/tidbits1.html">car wash</a> or cooking up delectable <a href="http://www.thebullbbq.com/about.php">pork sandwiches</a>, which is part of why we loved them in the first place. </span><span class="fullpost"><br /><br />The current crop of Philly sports stars is notable for it's lack of pomposity. Sure, Donovan can be annoying and DeSean Jackson's cockiness could get old, but by and large this town is patrolled by a group that's self-effacing and likable - hardly the types to run for office. All that aside, if I was Karl Rove, here's who I would nominate, ranked from least electable to most:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">10 - Jose Contreras</span>: His experience growing up in a socialist dictatorship could really endear him to the Tea Party crowd. However his lack of English potentially limits his broad appeal. I see him as a city councilman representing the area around K & A, with Garrett Reid serving as his chief of staff.<br /><br /></span><span class="fullpost"><span style="font-weight: bold;">9 - Andy Reid:</span> Sky-high name recognition. Extensive executive experience. </span>Mormon. Andy is essentially a fat, wheezy, ugly version of Mitt Romney, and Mitt will most likely be the Republican nominee for President, paving the way for Reid's appointment as Surgeon General.<br /><span class="fullpost"><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">8 - Allen Iverson:</span> In the right district, AI could be an unstoppable candidate. Unfortunately it would have to be populated entirely by felons, and last time I checked Graterford was not allotted a government representative.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">7 - Riley Cote:</span> I felt obligated to include a Flyer on this list, and Riley Cote seems like kind of a badass. He could definitely garner some votes in South Philly and Fishtown.<br /><br /></span><span class="fullpost"><span style="font-weight: bold;">6 - Jason Smith:</span> Tall, white, and handsome, J Suave would be irresistible on the campaign trail, at least until his rookie fling with a porn star came to light.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">5 - Greg Dobbs:</span> Has the </span><span class="fullpost">sartorial chops and </span><span class="fullpost">wholesome appeal of a Senate candidate, and as a benchwarmer has plenty of time to campaign. Also would benefit from right-wingers who thought they were voting for former CNN personality Lou Dobbs.<br /></span><span class="fullpost"><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">4 - Kareem Townes:</span> The ultimate long-shot candidate. Townes candidacy could harness the twin themes of "redemption" and "local boy makes good" after his arrest in 2002 for selling a <a href="http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=2199&dat=20020521&id=P64zAAAAIBAJ&sjid=k-gFAAAAIBAJ&pg=2916,10531635">half kilo of crack</a> to an undercover. After all, Marion Barry got reelected after getting videotaped smoking crack with hookers in a motel room, and who in Philly hasn't had a couple ounces of crack on them at one time or another? Townes is an early release away from being mayor of this town.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">3 - Carlos Ruiz:</span> Charming. Bilingual. Experienced with running a large organization (the Phils pitching staff).<br /><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;" class="fullpost">2 - Charlie Manuel</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> Uncle Cholly's got the down-home style that appeals to the Joe the Plumbers of the world, but beneath his folksy manner lies the mind of a Rhodes scholar and the heart of a Kenyan marathon runner. He's already the honorary mayor of Philadelphia.<br /><span class="fullpost"><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">1 - Aaron McKie:</span> Could get elected to any office in the land on the strength of his beard alone.<br /></span><span class="fullpost"><br /></span>eldiablograndehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15280320680341174613noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180552893990801748.post-26419495830369613532010-03-01T19:38:00.004-05:002010-03-01T21:24:10.326-05:00Chopped and Screwed<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.mookieland.org/contents/ChanHoPark03.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 327px; height: 360px;" src="http://www.mookieland.org/contents/ChanHoPark03.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />With spring training underway and the Phillies juggernaut busy limbering up for another deep playoff run, I'm bothered by one thing and one thing only. No it's not Cole Hamels and his My Little Pony voice and attitude. Nor is it concern with Brad Lidge's ability to close games; as I see it he had <a href="http://www.outofmygord.com/images/outofmygord_com/tiger-woods-baby-10.jpg">the worst year any human being could have</a> and we still made the World Series. I'm not even worried about Charlie Manuel dying, which was a huge concern last year before he lost 100 pounds and resembled a large, half-deflated balloon. <br /><br />No no no, our problems are more serious than that. Our biggest weakness, our main susceptibility, the chink in our armor, if you will, is this: NO ASIANS!!(Note: yes that was a horrible joke. Yes I offended myself and my family by writing it. And yes I attended a roast this past weekend which made that joke and others like it seem perfectly acceptable, which they aren't. But to hell with it) Not a single <a href="http://addins.wgem.com/blogs/sports/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/hines_ward.jpg">Asian brother</a>. What makes it even worse is that our superb Asian from last year, Chan Ho Park, turned down a contract to play here, watched helplessly as the market for him dried up, and ended up signing with the deviant mothership of unholiness the Yankees. <a href="http://www.philly.com/philly/sports/phillies/20100301_Chan_Ho_Park_wanted_to_stay_with_Phillies.html">This story</a> nearly broke my heart. Sure, we replaced one old Asian with two old (and if what I've come to expect from Cuban "birth certificates" is true, presumably much much older) Cubans and that could be a fair trade, on the baseball field. But this isn't abut baseball. This is about karma, superstition, and <a href="http://www.hokubei.com/files/images/gottahavewa.JPG">wa</a>. Fact is, this current team has never appeared in the playoffs, won a playoff series, World Series, nothing, without an Asian on the roster. From Tad Iguchi to So Taguchi to Chan Ho last year, this most excellent stretch of success can be traced directly to the acquisition of our friends from the far East. How will this play out? I'm not sure, but come trade-deadline time I will be willing to give away the rest of our farm system, current stars even, for any brotherman if we're still bereft of Asians by then. Ryan Howard straight-up for <a href="http://moodythinking.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/kawakami2.jpg">Kenshin Kawakami</a>? Yes, sure, do it. Chase Utley for <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_v1enOUrBI">Shin Soo-Choo</a>? Pull the trigger. Hell, find Hideo Nomo and offer him a spot in the rotation. He's older than Mr. Miyagi but I bet he can still get a guy out here and there. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1gAHil89Z4">And catch a fly with chopsticks</a>. I think you get the point. <br /><br /> In closing, being of Asian descent means I'm obviously exempt from accusations of racism and cultural insensitivity towards my own people. However, if any of my fellow DR colleagues or loyal readers say something out of line, you are most definitely a racist piece of shit.#1 Chief Nakahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15336491970839226986noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180552893990801748.post-1191075626473575802010-02-08T23:34:00.007-05:002010-02-09T11:34:14.628-05:00Sammy's Trade Value<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://reclinergm.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/dalembert.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 398px; height: 512px;" src="http://reclinergm.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/dalembert.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />Another ten days and twenty inches of snow from now the NBA trade deadline will be upon us, in all its contract-shedding, draft-positioning, awful-GM's-trying-to-save-their-job glory. For Sixers fans this means watching in horror as Ed Stefansky is yet again given an opportunity to evaluate talent, tinker with salaries, and mold the roster for the future. Armed with a track record of failure in all three areas, Ed finds himself staring directly down the barrel of an Ed Snyder held shotgun, his job a few more miserable months away from early termination. Luckily for Ed he has a trump card: the non-expiring, trade-kicker enhanced contract belonging to the greatest Haitian since ever, Sammy D. In other words, Ed has Sam, and Sam has the world. By the balls. What is fair trade value for a man of such dignity, stature, and contractual heftiness? Here are the rumors, and my own opinion on each.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Sammy D and Iguodala for Amare Stoudemire</span><br />This is laughable. So we're trading our best player, Sammy D, and our most annoyingly good player, Eyegadala, for an overpriced combination of the two? I don't get it. Stoudemire is good for twenty points a game, eight blown defensive switches, five casual-to-lazy pursuits of a loose ball, and absolutely zero trips to a devastated nation to provide relief, support, and inspiration. If Phoenix included Steve Nash, Leandro Barbosa, and agreed to build a time machine so they could undo the 1993 trade of Charles Barkley for Andrew Lang, Tim Perry, and Jeff Hornacek, I'd consider it. I'd at least let them buy me lunch while I considered it. <br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Verdict:</span> Of Course Not<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Sammy and Iguodala for Tracy McGrady</span><br />Ten years ago this trade would have made sense: Sammy was in college and Iguodala high school, while McGrady was at the height of his talents and health. I would certainly make that trade. But time moves on people, and Sammy has gone pro, mastered the english language, and enjoyed the finer points of <a href="http://enrico.blogs.com/photos/uncategorized/2008/04/29/samueldalemberttz425.jpg">American barbering</a>. Sure we'd save more money than ten nervous octogenarians at Wal-Mart, but the Beatles said it best: can't buy me love. <br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Verdict:</span> Igga Please <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Sammy D for Dwight Howard and Jameer Nelson</span><br />This is enticing only because it would place Sammy much closer to his native home, and he could literally commute to work from Haiti. Otherwise it's a no-go. Jameer is a local guy and believe me I respect his game, but he's injury prone and one or two more surgeries away from becoming the next assistant coach at Rider. Howard is big, strong, and big and strong. Beyond that I don't see the big deal. If I had to choose a guy to break rocks with his bare hands, I'd take Howard. If I had to choose a guy to make rocks disappear and return as loaves of bread, then it's Sammy. Is there really any choice there? <br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Verdict:</span> Negatron, not even if they included Disney World and that hot girl from High School Musical. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Sammy for Pau Gasol, Andrew Bynum, and Kobe</span><br />We're getting closer.......to me vomiting. I'd just as soon trade my future wife and kids for a bowl of dirty snow with a frozen dog turd on top. I can hardly use my eyes the day after watching Gasol on TV, he's that physically atrocious. If there is anyone in the world uglier than him please send me a link. I'm a big believer in a persons worth being intractably connected to the re-arranged spelling of his last name. Bynum re-arranged spells NY Bum. Case closed. And Kobe? I want him on my team the way I want incurable cancer combined with red-hot hemorrhoids. Besides, Sammy needs fresh air to thrive and LA has none.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Verdict:</span> No. Insulting.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Sammy for Lebron</span><br />Lebron is very good at basketball, maybe <span style="font-style:italic;">the</span> best. He can do it all, he's a great teammate, he's fun to watch, and he's some ridiculously young age, so he has many years of basketball ahead of him. He's poised to dominate not only the league, but the world, if you buy into the global icon/corporate whore thing. Here's the thing, one of these two men will be on money one day, and it ain't Lebron. It's hard to trade a superstar and get equal value, but it's impossible to trade a guy who IS(or will be) <a href="http://www.travelinghaiti.com/haitian-currency.asp">monetary value.</a> And that, my friends, is what we have in Sammy D. <br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Verdict:</span> Gourde notes for everyone! Sammy Stays!<br /><br /><br />As for the rest of the Sixers roster, my opinion on whether we should trade this player or that is yes, yes, yes , yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes. Oh and resign AI. Viva Haiti. Later suckers.#1 Chief Nakahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15336491970839226986noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180552893990801748.post-26989698204324962302010-01-14T18:56:00.003-05:002010-01-14T18:59:07.155-05:00Fun With TaxesFor the employed out there, the end of this month marks the beginning of tax time. The process of doing ones taxes can be quite overwhelming to some, but luckily these gentlemen are here to help.<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/DxA5gRiB-os&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/DxA5gRiB-os&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />With each passing day, our country is one step closer to it's depiction in Idiocracy. Stay classy.Flintskinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06877250251249422488noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180552893990801748.post-56657768754445261892009-12-13T22:24:00.005-05:002009-12-13T23:04:42.691-05:00Fair Warning<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbgNII1eDIMPAXFI7QH_tKbr0zsQSDaHlEmo4nghFnj9NJhXz2qmuc15jh5UYDr2ezFveoCcBO8Ompqygsfuy2qeqTYpsgsYxaMLPNvcvcFdhgoD0Sqf2U3euEjeVfvqWXDIeLkZAKQO8/s1600-h/eve-costume.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbgNII1eDIMPAXFI7QH_tKbr0zsQSDaHlEmo4nghFnj9NJhXz2qmuc15jh5UYDr2ezFveoCcBO8Ompqygsfuy2qeqTYpsgsYxaMLPNvcvcFdhgoD0Sqf2U3euEjeVfvqWXDIeLkZAKQO8/s400/eve-costume.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5414936177673154658" /></a><br /><br />Everyone's been there. Everyone knows what it's like to want something so bad your better judgment takes the first bus out of town; when your stomach churns in anticipation, your eyes widen in excitement, and you sink yourself into a warm, moist nest of regret. And while the immediate satisfaction of the decision is clouded by the bitter aftertaste of Kentucky bourbon and a lack of patience, the consequences of those five seconds are truly felt the next morning when you stare the signs of your shortcoming square in the face. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5x7hRbgJCRvdWnGmTzDxDy_sqROBczjv5zBpIlqLb8Q1Qh4CMPt6RZVcLqGuHZt-EYDqVnx_2pAdTFUu5HklXD66ZoUDokaTKLXlDYwTc-7arK52lXamtM_eWbB4e8HLVWz1f55BBX5M/s1600-h/tiger-woods-pic-splahnews-com-832662253.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 268px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5x7hRbgJCRvdWnGmTzDxDy_sqROBczjv5zBpIlqLb8Q1Qh4CMPt6RZVcLqGuHZt-EYDqVnx_2pAdTFUu5HklXD66ZoUDokaTKLXlDYwTc-7arK52lXamtM_eWbB4e8HLVWz1f55BBX5M/s400/tiger-woods-pic-splahnews-com-832662253.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5414936552237937314" /></a><br /><br />I learned in law school that you can have a slippery floor in a supermarket that lends itself to the humorous downfall of clumsy, and likely elderly individuals... but Acme's liability is relieved so long as a yellow warning cone with that universal sign for "slip n kill yourself" is promptly placed at the site of the potential hilarity. So where is my warning? Absent the equivalent of a yellow sign hanging on my doorstep, how is a mere man, overwhelmed by his instincts at those late hours, when human nature dictates his subjection to his most immediate desires, supposed to channel the reason and brain power of his sober alter-ego? Let me tell you, people, it's an <a href="http://blogs.phillynews.com/inquirer/deepsixer/2008/02/will_the_sixers_make_the_playo.html">impossibility</a>. Not even Bear Grylls has the willpower and self-imposed diligence to exercise the caution society thrusts upon us and expects us to demonstrate each and every time we, as humans with penises, confront the growling belly of temptation. <br /><br /><br />In fact, there is no two ways about it: those demonic creations that ooze with tastiness and seduce us with an adorable presence should be outlawed! Yeah, I said it, I think Hot Pockets deserve to die, and I hope they burn in hell! <br /><br /><object width="445" height="364"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/sMGMZsKXz94&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x5d1719&color2=0xcd311b&border=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/sMGMZsKXz94&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x5d1719&color2=0xcd311b&border=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="445" height="364"></embed></object><br /><br />They seem harmless enough. Wrapped nicely in plastic, with clear and concise directions, the picture on the box invites the drunkest individual to the freezer. The box practically whispers from the freezer... "oh, hey there hungry guy, why don't you indulge in some pepperoni, maybe even some processed cheese. Feeling dangerous? Throw me and my partner in a microwave for 3 minutes and 15 seconds and let's make a threesome out of it. Don't worry, the roof of your mouth won't burn into smithereens like a Move townhouse. I promise your tongue won't break into blisters like a Show N' Tel dancer's vagina. Go ahead, take a chance." <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2Azft7akBVFxhRYVVB6M1xAQuIne4SMfXSqd-dO7frXpTmAo1P53DJNW1fXZgGfRtI6x6ZBcsY1SlPBLZggSFcwJ5S1lzM-6A7t8UCTg2UVE72xyxCR03KJXfzPhWoNaWZ3ZD_gVoksc/s1600-h/hot_pocket.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 266px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2Azft7akBVFxhRYVVB6M1xAQuIne4SMfXSqd-dO7frXpTmAo1P53DJNW1fXZgGfRtI6x6ZBcsY1SlPBLZggSFcwJ5S1lzM-6A7t8UCTg2UVE72xyxCR03KJXfzPhWoNaWZ3ZD_gVoksc/s400/hot_pocket.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5414937790808053298" /></a><br /><br />Well enough! I'm putting my foot down, throwing Hot Pockets in the room, and drawing a <a href="http://www.penis-wealth.com/pic/bigpenis.jpg">line in the sand</a>. Never again will I be forced to scrub the solidified cheese/sauce off of a plate the following morning. Never again will I find myself digesting the skin on the top of my mouth for days to come. Never again, will I try to stick my penis in that warm cocoon. I mean, eat a hot pocket. Good riddance to you and your deliciousness. <br /><br />And the critics say we only discuss sports on this esteemed blogsphere.Big Firmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04191014047363664055noreply@blogger.com37tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180552893990801748.post-31236409837491230562009-12-11T15:16:00.004-05:002009-12-11T16:10:41.782-05:00It Would Be So Nice<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNQHp5rHNwRWqQCRCsnLhoQvvfLcBmcWFLraDAkoDYJ5Ei83HesQxdx_Xdkx1U4xUJQq5xo-wNkhzabSu2ZNdKa6p5YH4MHptTa8QQX7FKzmHLb5-TieXQU9vgul3CTqTpILkxLLfLwAM/s1600-h/madaonna-halladay2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 388px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNQHp5rHNwRWqQCRCsnLhoQvvfLcBmcWFLraDAkoDYJ5Ei83HesQxdx_Xdkx1U4xUJQq5xo-wNkhzabSu2ZNdKa6p5YH4MHptTa8QQX7FKzmHLb5-TieXQU9vgul3CTqTpILkxLLfLwAM/s400/madaonna-halladay2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5414075353253236770" border="0" /></a>Lately the blogosphere and the tweetosphere (not to mention the atmosphere, stratosphere and biosphere) has been awash with rumblings and grumblings regarding the imminent trade of one Harry LeRoy Halladay III to the ol' Phirries. While we can only hope with crossed fingers that these rumors prove true, and that the Phils are in the process of building a Yankees-like dynasty that will rule over the lesser peons of the National League for years to come, we are more excited that the arrival of Halladay could be something of a boon to our fearless leader. Our inside sources say that Sammy D is thrilled with the prospect of having another Canada refugee in the 215th, as he would finally have someone with whom to crack open an ice-cold Labatt and discuss <a href="http://infinitejest.wallacewiki.com/david-foster-wallace/index.php?title=Infinite_Jest#Les_Assassins_en_Fauteuils_Roulants">Les Assassins des Fauteuils Roulants</a> and the relative merits of various <a href="http://blogues.cyberpresse.ca/lortie/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/poutine1.jpg">poutine</a> joints in the Maritime Provinces. (Of late we hear Sammy had been trying to school Jrue Holiday in the ways of Labour politics and Celine Dion records but since the arrival of AI has seen his sphere of influence significantly eroded as young Jrue slowly falls victim to the dark arts practiced in back rooms of certain Main Line TGI Fridays.) <br /><br />In other news Stand Watie proposed the following logic puzzle:<br /><br /><div id=":1wv" dir="ltr" class="kl">1) Sammy D is from Haiti, Tony Parker from France</div><div id=":1xj" dir="ltr" class="kl">2) SD has lived in Canada/US since 14</div><div id=":1xh" dir="ltr" class="kl">3) TP has american father<br /><br /></div><div id=":1vg" dir="ltr" class="kl">Q: What language do you they speak when they hang out together?</div><br />I think they probably speak some variant of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Esperanto">Esperanto</a> mixed with <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0bhTxvzrUFo">Jive</a> but I leave it up to the wise commentariat to answer this conundrum. A wonderful weekend to all, and happy Hanukkah to all our Jewish readers!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY_kPSsxWjIcpd3jWZHZ57UeYp3h_5EhSBNpB_CJ5IlNovoCWEprr3-YhSIvfomqn4qCxHI3x5KOUVf35ZcxEN7oaWTpYOfcziYeydIXYDmc4gVlycni3OgLTiWvCAwQ9kJZJxo88XICc/s1600-h/jive-talkin.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 261px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY_kPSsxWjIcpd3jWZHZ57UeYp3h_5EhSBNpB_CJ5IlNovoCWEprr3-YhSIvfomqn4qCxHI3x5KOUVf35ZcxEN7oaWTpYOfcziYeydIXYDmc4gVlycni3OgLTiWvCAwQ9kJZJxo88XICc/s400/jive-talkin.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5414088202068673250" border="0" /></a>eldiablograndehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15280320680341174613noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180552893990801748.post-57346423796140498762009-12-07T18:10:00.014-05:002009-12-07T18:58:17.910-05:00The New Guy<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://quizilla.teennick.com/user_images/M/musicboi2008/1085324374_allen_iverson.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 295px; height: 385px;" src="http://quizilla.teennick.com/user_images/M/musicboi2008/1085324374_allen_iverson.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>Being the new guy in the office is never fun. Between orientation, trainings, meet and greets and frequently getting lost trying to find the bathroom things can be a bit overwhelming. While Allen Iverson has worked in this factory before, a lot has changed since those days and he may as well be starting back on the ground floor. Luckily for the Answer, he is not alone. In the wake of Comcast acquiring the majority of NBC AI has found himself amongst many other new hires. In my experience, the quickest way to fit in as the new guy is to make allegiances with the other newbies. In honor of the official return of AI tonight, our crack staff at the DR has come up with the best of the bunch for AI to bro-down with. Feel free to add more in the comments section.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Tracy Morgan</span><br /></div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://iamatvjunkie.typepad.com/i_am_a_tv_junkie_a_blog_f/images/tracy_morgan.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 245px; height: 266px;" src="http://iamatvjunkie.typepad.com/i_am_a_tv_junkie_a_blog_f/images/tracy_morgan.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>This is clearly the most obvious pairing, but also the one with the most potentially hilarious consequences. Tracy Morgan is essentially a crazier version of his character on 30 Rock, allegedly does a whole lot of yay and is ace-rollies with Ghostface Killah. This is basically the posse that Iverson has been looking for his whole life, and even though it is obvious rolling with him will end his attempts to resurrect his career, the stories alone will be worth it. Add Mike Vick to the crew and you have the greatest prison sports comedy film with an even better soundtrack than Above the Rim unfolding before your eyes.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Matt Lauer</span><br /></div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.strangepolitics.com/images/content/6218.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 355px; height: 516px;" src="http://www.strangepolitics.com/images/content/6218.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>Undoubtedly, M to the Izzel has been feeling a little shook ever since Ron Artest aired him out on his 2006 My World album, sending such Ether-esque disses his way such as “you look like a girl” in reaction to Lauer’s interview of Artest after the infamous crowd beat down in Detroit. Iverson, still searching for redemption after the shelving of his own rap album in 2000 is looking for MC rebirth, and this odd couple of epic proportions could benefit from becoming ace-rollies. The Answer gets unlimited promotional push and the backing of the liberal media who once got all uppity over AI suggesting that certain people would end up <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qM8SvUr53Jk">sleeping where the maggots be</a>, and Lauer gets all of Bad Newz, VA as a personal bodyguard.<br /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Chris Matthews</span><br /></div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAjjcPlYfT6umYiPR1KbB7lbFOcohKP1L-JjyekrDpGOXYZUp2KUkhRqbA3OCNwu2gz6_DeDO1er6u7RIXjWiJtN1vLKPXa6CaXATQbYVKbaMIRW2ATqQQs87UeuXIWLZ5s38uHaDWmd4/s1600-h/iverson-chris-matthews.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 296px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAjjcPlYfT6umYiPR1KbB7lbFOcohKP1L-JjyekrDpGOXYZUp2KUkhRqbA3OCNwu2gz6_DeDO1er6u7RIXjWiJtN1vLKPXa6CaXATQbYVKbaMIRW2ATqQQs87UeuXIWLZ5s38uHaDWmd4/s400/iverson-chris-matthews.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5412641476483968642" border="0" /></a>While AI hasn’t been gone for too long, he’s been gone long enough that he may have lost a little street cred and has almost certainly seen his various weed suppliers get <a href="http://www.birdyboredombusters.com/images/pookie_perch.jpg">locked up</a>, <a href="http://www.meetup.com/RaleighSEO/members/1624780/">find real jobs</a> or <a href="http://img707.imageshack.us/i/l1120908.jpg/">found God/Allah</a>. Nicetown native Matthews understands that real recognize real and can probably help. He can take AI on a tour of Nicetown’s finest <a href="http://lasvegas-taxidriver.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/weedstorelasvegas.jpg">convenience stores</a>, and in turn AI can help Matthews’ show appeal to thus far unclaimed demographics. With a sliiiight name change of course, as exhibited above.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lorne Michaels</span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/improvised-blog/assets_c/2009/08/saturday_night_live-thumb-320x320-11158.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 320px;" src="http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/improvised-blog/assets_c/2009/08/saturday_night_live-thumb-320x320-11158.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>No one has really laughed at or cared about Saturday Night Live for years. Short of Andy Samberg, I’m not sure I can tell any of you the names of any cast members, and I only know his because he stuck his junk in a box with Justin Timberlake. Lorne Michaels won’t admit this, but he knows it too. The obvious answer, short of permanent host, is to make AI the new Eddie Murphy, and send the fat guy from Good Burger back from whence he came.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Jay Leno</span><br /></div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://cdn.wg.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/leno-rhinestone-cowboy.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 335px; height: 404px;" src="http://cdn.wg.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/leno-rhinestone-cowboy.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>You know the guy in the office that no one really likes, but has been there so long and has been promoted high enough that no one can actually do anything or say what they really want to because of it? Clearly that is Jay. They managed to bring in a replacement for him, and yet still couldn’t get rid of him. This does not bother AI. Understanding the frustration of all of his new coworkers about the lingering office problem, the Answer will live up to his moniker by pretending to befriend the ousted late night host, and begin taking him to TGI Friday’s with him nightly, until the excess causes his work attendance and performance to suffer, finally resulting in a forced retirement after a particularly bad morning which finds Leno arriving with a half cornrowed head, a fresh dookie chain, a shirt covered in regurgitated ultimate mudlides and pants covered in blunt filling. The NBC world will rejoice accordingly.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Bonus buddy: Michael Vick</span><br /></div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.egyptsaidso.com/wp-content/uploader/2008/12/michael-vick.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 425px; height: 345px;" src="http://www.egyptsaidso.com/wp-content/uploader/2008/12/michael-vick.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>The last time AI and MV were publicly seen together was during a post prison release strip club visit, in which it was alleged that AI didn’t spend a single dollar the entire evening (there’s a dog joke here somewhere, but we’re above that). On the road to Philly riches and non guaranteed contracts at the veteran minimum, these two will now meet again, and for both of their sakes as mentioned above, hopefully Tracy Morgan is not involved. My close proximity to many of the area's most noteworthy gentlemen's clubs almost ensure that I will get to witness this travelling circus firsthand. The only thing I ask, nay, beg of these two is to leave any Phillies out of it. We need them on the field, not waiting on phone time.Flintskinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06877250251249422488noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180552893990801748.post-61636505404927781332009-12-07T16:17:00.004-05:002009-12-07T16:43:53.723-05:00He's Baaaaaaaaaack<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYN-NqpkSBd_U2W7uMW48BYrDLjUbaDfAqMO42xD6hyphenhyphenU2R-TDq7i8jOtbqapZJKYIz5dFjPKCDGJX5dosHJ1C8tzwS_3FH-c_b_cot9kIWTEMRt0BVjGNgIS2j9C_t_wIX6q0ZSfE5Ks4/s1600-h/AI-WEED.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 271px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYN-NqpkSBd_U2W7uMW48BYrDLjUbaDfAqMO42xD6hyphenhyphenU2R-TDq7i8jOtbqapZJKYIz5dFjPKCDGJX5dosHJ1C8tzwS_3FH-c_b_cot9kIWTEMRt0BVjGNgIS2j9C_t_wIX6q0ZSfE5Ks4/s400/AI-WEED.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5412606657841389202" border="0" /></a>Ours and yours favorite weed-smoking, taco-eating, practice-skipping, Bentley-driving, TGI Fridays-lurking, Main Line-dwelling, bowling alley brawl-starting face of the franchise makes his prodigal return to the Wachovia Center tonight. It may be awesome, it may be awful, but it will almost certainly involve an ill-conceived alley-oop attempt to Sammy D. Let's hope our fearless leader is awaiting it with<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4S841IGZjcE"> hands of glue</a>.eldiablograndehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15280320680341174613noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180552893990801748.post-52300383866353665482009-12-04T06:50:00.002-05:002009-12-04T07:05:28.238-05:00I'm Guilty, In a SenseAs most of you know, I can't be trusted when the moon rises past the horizon. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86BK-1KwvUI">Miss Jones</a>, aka <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYfBVSsL9N8">Jonesy</a> was made very aware of this within the past hour. Join me in my most recent of regrets, especially at the .29 second mark:<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/EssypAqfmC4&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/EssypAqfmC4&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />In hindsight, I regret nothing.Flintskinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06877250251249422488noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180552893990801748.post-45817843956958878362009-12-03T23:43:00.004-05:002009-12-04T02:01:06.519-05:00Can't Kick<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD5VMuICA5CoasXBd5fW0hJocHFvQocp1XNd0vkg0P6suwHeLd6m6eOTtkjvYbi6PHMxFWYvaMjULKB31tUdIPGr37eFGQwDLHJdECFZuPdnH4zbUVmVkzlC_0FDp-OAHCc6FvjHVCSfw/s400/pookie.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 309px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD5VMuICA5CoasXBd5fW0hJocHFvQocp1XNd0vkg0P6suwHeLd6m6eOTtkjvYbi6PHMxFWYvaMjULKB31tUdIPGr37eFGQwDLHJdECFZuPdnH4zbUVmVkzlC_0FDp-OAHCc6FvjHVCSfw/s400/pookie.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />I, unlike many of my peers and comrades at DR headquarters, am not addicted to brown liquor, prescription pills, or the trusty services of women-for-hire. I don't take spontaneous trips to Atlantic City for the rush of losing my meager fortune to a dealer named Gary, a waitress named Loretta, and a pile of shitty cards. I've never had the pleasure of gushing rivers of crackhead sweat in nervous anticipation of my next trip to planet crackrock. As a teenager I watched a movie about heroin addiction and decided then and there to sidestep the tempting yet ultimately unfulfilling life of a scary ghost carcass. I hear working out with large ropes, kettle balls, and private trainers can be euphoric, but that too is another one of life's addictive joys I have stupidly not fallen prey to. Sometimes this despicable wholesomeness keeps me up at night and nearly pushes me into the arms of a crushed up percocet and a small bucket of whiskey, but DAMMIT, I have neither the emotional nor psychological wherewithal to make that beautiful dream a reality. Which is why today was such a wonderful day for me. I realized, around 10:30 pm, that I too am burdened with an affliction that does me more harm than good and threatens my sanity. Quite simply, I am addicted to Allen Iverson.<br /><br />I never thought I'd have an epiphany about my own addiction while watching a skinny black man wearing a v-neck undershirt cry his eyes out with a chubby and bald white man beside him. But this, folks, is the unique process of enlightenment. Sure enough, there sat Allen Iverson, a grown man crying little boy tears, triggering all manner of flashbacks and feelings of old. See I had forgotten what the Iverson addiction was like, because I had kicked it years ago. At least I thought I did. <br /><br />But watching him cry and listening to his raspy eloquence brought the AI addiction back into my life with force. I know he's made more poor decisions than <a href="http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00005JKVU.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg">Cuba Gooding Jr.</a> I understand that the likelihood of his shooting many shots, hogging many basketballs, and avoiding many if not damn near all of Sammy D's post-up efforts will be, to borrow a well-worn word and picture, <a href="http://www.studentsoftheworld.info/sites/family/img/998_Allen_iverson_arrest.jpg">high</a>. But I don't care. I have sampled this man's basketball offerings, the game, the wardrobe, the press conferences, the drama, and I decided long ago that his product was the best on the block. For a while his product disappeared and I had to rely a cornucopia of crap to get by, but now that the good shit is back this is a no-brainer. Some things in this world aren't right. And some things make sense. AI is back in a Sixers uni and for today, all is right with the world. <br /><br />Haters speak up, I wanna know what the hell is wrong with you.#1 Chief Nakahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15336491970839226986noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180552893990801748.post-58385062379327970072009-12-03T13:33:00.024-05:002009-12-03T16:00:28.016-05:00Big Head Todd...I Mean Placido<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHSOBy713NTwGaAeGex-2OkRiCtxf9-UhptPkoh9wBxQrTGckHWrvjBNCR2uobX1pfn56XERoqfnJ8X4kuRYsTfELgc6Vg0RRdM0mw8KB26h1TNu_3mI4n238OBDYjj-ggmTM3vbkhqkU/s1600-h/3-tenors.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5411109019089083426" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 311px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHSOBy713NTwGaAeGex-2OkRiCtxf9-UhptPkoh9wBxQrTGckHWrvjBNCR2uobX1pfn56XERoqfnJ8X4kuRYsTfELgc6Vg0RRdM0mw8KB26h1TNu_3mI4n238OBDYjj-ggmTM3vbkhqkU/s400/3-tenors.jpg" border="0" /></a>What a glorious week in Philly sports this has been...and it's only Thursday! First, the stock of all local TGI Fridays has skyrocketed with the news of A.I.'s return, and now Placido Polanco is back. We all know that since the Phils jettisoned Pete Happy they had a <a href="http://www.tetrahedron.org/images/image006.jpg">gaping hole</a> bigger than Firm's butthole at third. This signing plugs said hole like Stand Watie alone in a room with a <a href="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3145/2614307395_66316267e9_o.gif">plastic vagina</a>. Let us examine why this signing is a good one for our beloved Phillies. <div></div><br /><ul><li>Feliz's career batting average is .254, Polanco's is .303</li><li>Pedro had a better than average year at the plate last year hitting .266 while Placido was below average and still bettered Pedro by almost 20 points at .285</li><li>Spillz's authentic Phils Polanco jersey is in vogue again. </li><li>Pedro, considered by many a great defensive third baseman, has a career fielding percentage at third of .964. Polanco, who has played mostly second, has a career fielding percentage at third of .982. (Full disclosure, Polanco has only 36.2% of the total chances at third that Pedro does).</li><li>New Era will finally have something to do with all those size 12 3/4 Phillies hats that they have made.</li><li>As far as the power numbers go, they are closer than you may think. Feliz: 135HR & 558 RBI, Placido: 90HR 579 RBI. (Polanco does have roughly 1700 more ABs)</li><li>Big Head has a career OPS of .762, Feliz .715</li><li>Pedro has 622 career Ks compared to Placido's 391(in 1700 more ABs)</li></ul>There you have it folks, the numbers don't lie, and neither do huge heads. It surely seems like Polanco is the better choice and we're only paying him 1 million more than Petey was scheduled to make this year. And anyone who says different is dumb.AlwaysTheJamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03502298727738688511noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8180552893990801748.post-29045233649971804052009-12-02T22:47:00.003-05:002009-12-02T22:54:23.533-05:00The Criminal MindPolice get report of <a href="http://noumenoides.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/quick-change-bill-murray_l.jpg">bank robbery</a>. <br /><br />Police engage in <a href="http://www.boston.com/news/local/breaking_news/Henry_Gates_Porch_072109.jpg">racial profiling</a>. Police <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mkADGdqI-8&feature=related">race</a> after their man. Police pull their man over, threaten him, believe he has a demand note on his person, and otherwise feel good about themselves. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xk_vlsLwUy0">Black man wins again</a>:<br /><br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/ncUsYo8vSNQ&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/ncUsYo8vSNQ&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>Big Firmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04191014047363664055noreply@blogger.com5