Does Anyone Here Know the Heimlich??

I think not. I present this as the universal sign of choking:



Chances are you already know the Phillies won the NL East on Saturday, and there's not much I'll say about it, as the pure awesomeness of it is widely known. The greatest story to come out of yesterday is a second consecutive last-game-of-the-season choking by the Mets (once again at the hands of the Marlins, who are swiftly becoming OK in my book) which once again gave them October vacations. It's not that I don't want to speak about it too much to avoid rubbing it in, I'm certainly not above that, it's just that I truly feel that pictures best tell the story. With that in mind, I present to you all the last four covers of the NY Daily News' sports section. I have a feeling you will enjoy these as much if not more than I did:

Friday, September 26th



Saturday, September 27th



Sunday, September 28th



Today, Monday, September 29th



Isn't that creative and witty how they managed to work "Shea" into every title to replace words that kind of sound like Shea? Didja see that? How clever. Thank CHRIST they're tearing down that shithole of a stadium, if for no other reason than the awful puns of the NY media. In fact, the Phillies* will donate playoff tickets to anyone who can trick a New Yorker (preferrably a Mets fan, but ehn, any of em will do) into being in Shea when it is imploded. Tickets and 5 minutes alone with a ball girl if it's a Daily news journalist or an actual Met.

As usual, I digress.

Many of us were told at this strange place we used to go on a daily basis to cheer only for our team and not against another; to enjoy our own success and not revel in the misfortunes of others. Well, let me be the first to publicly say FUCK THAT. The Mets collapsed AGAIN, and dammit if it doesn't feel twice as nice the second time around. The Phils being NL East Champs (AGAIN) is incredible and even if the Mets were in the Playoffs it wouldn't detract from that, but ALL Phils fans can agree that the absence of the Mets via slow, painful choking makes it all so much better.

GO PHILS.

For those that don't know, the NLDS against the homoerotic Brewers begins Wednesday here in the 215 at 3pm. I will be there. Chances are you will not. In spite of this, let us cheer together as there will be none of this swept in the first round of the playoffs business again this year. Phils in 4.



* - Reached for comment, the Phillies organization denies the claims of free tickets and/or free acts of deviance courtesy of their ball girls for what they so harshly referred to as 'murder'. Fear not, the DR staff has you covered....