Sweet Sixteen

The Celtics now hold a formidable three-games-to-one lead over the Lakers. I only mention this because it's worth noting how Kobe Bryant, slurped like a pudding pop by the evil media for weeks, has played like SHIT. Next MJ my ass. I could enjoy this development more if it wasn't directly connected to Boston winning a title, which is about as fun as sticking a pudding pop up my own ass. Premature slurping is obnoxious and lazy, and whoever does it should be held accountable for their lameness.

Let's move on to the NBA Draft, where I have plenty of my own obnoxious and lazy slurping to do. The Sixers approach the draft with two clear needs: 1)a big man who can score in the post and rebound. 2) A scoring guard who can shoot from the outside.

Choosing at sixteen(or anywhere in the first round) is a tricky balance of picking for need and simply picking the best player available. Passing on the best player or athlete and picking a player who fills a more defined need sounds logical but can result in deciding Michael Jordan doesn't fit into your system as well as Sam Bowie. Whoops. However, simply picking a tantalizing prospect for the hell of it is also dangerous. One word: Darko.

What's great about a mid-first round pick is that the stakes aren't as high, nor are the expectations. Fumbling away a Top Five pick is disastrous, whereas screwing up the sixteenth pick is disappointing but not actually surprising. Would I rather the Sixers have the #1 pick? Of course. Do I think they can find a diamond in the rough at sixteen, polish him up, and have him shine light on the world? Of course. Stefansky will make it happen. Slurp.

It comes down to this: you have to choose a player with the right combination of skill, athleticism, intensity, and heart. A lot of this is scouting. Some is foresight. Luck is paramount. And on draft day, nobody really knows anything, which is why a guy like me loves it so much.

Here then, is a list of players in this years draft who I think are possible Sixer picks. True, many of these names will be gone by sixteen, and some may be long gone. Also true, I've never seen any of them play in person and can offer only recycled opinion based on second-hand knowledge, the best kind of knowledge. And yes, if the Sixers happen to pick any of these guys I will instantly become unbearably smug and self-satisfied at my own dumb luck.

Who Might They Pick?:
1)DeAndre Jordan
2)Joe Alexander
3)JaVale McGee
4)Marreese Speights
5)Kevin Love
6)Chase Budinger
7)Donte Green
8)Robin Lopez
9)Darrell Arthur
10)JJ Hickson
11)Kosta Koufos
12)Nicolas Batum

Twelve players you say? That's a lot, no? In fact, so many that if they don't pick one of them I would have to be considered a fucking moron. Well there's a reason these things are often called mock drafts, and that's because they are a mockery of reason and science. So buckle up and hold on as each one of these potential Sixer stars will get love and affection from me over the next two weeks, in the form of short and mostly copied profiles.



PS- Congrats to Willa from Phila. A lottery pick in any draft. Go get 'em girl.