CHEESE!!

Still mired deep in a vat of guilt over actively rooting for the Big Blue, I can't bring myself to address the lingering questions from Chokefest '08 - should the Eagles sign an energy salesman? Why are there so many black dudes named Antonio? If David Tyree's name was reversed, would he be a cornerback? Nor can I hope to match Bubak's astute political commentary in honor of Terrific Tuesday - besides the fact that I only vote on Thundering Thursdays, we all know who the next president should be, and what he should be president of. Even Young Thad's ascension to the starting line-up, while it is an event that will no doubt one day be commemorated on bridges everywhere (though hopefully not ones that are eventually shit upon by certain parties), still needs a little time to be fully absorbed.

Besides, the DR was not founded on ideals of high importance and far reaching consequence, but rather on the notion that each and every person shall have the right to waste the time of their fellow persons by disseminating information that cannot possibly be of any use whatsoever. It is an idea as powerful and old as our most high Exalted Internet itself, and it is in the service of that noble purpose that I will now subject you to a harrowing journey into the depths of Stand Watie's favorite youtube music videos. All of the following songs have been chosen on two criteria only - I love them, and no self-respecting person under 40 should be listening to them. Let the cheese begin!

10. Paul Simon - Call me Al



As great as this song is on its own, it is the video itself that gets it on the list. Apart from evoking memories of a steak sandwich and a steak sandwich, they managed to work in not only a soul shake but also a modified version of the Soulja Boy (with horns no less!) that was twenty years ahead of its time. Crank dat!!

9. Opus - Live is Life


Opus is an incredible band made up of four Austrians and a Czech who, as far as anybody can tell, managed to pack countless stadiums full of screaming fans while only having one song in their repetoire. For my non-Euro trash brethren who might not be familiar, this song is basically the rest of the world's version of Rock n' Roll part 2 (minus the pedophilia). Don't believe me? Ask Diego.

8. Todd Rundgren - Bang on the Drum All Day


Upper Darby's finest (fuck you Tina Fey and Jamie Kennedy) is a venerable scion of rock n' roll and an ardent supporter of other people's children, so it a little bit sad that he is best remembered for his own contribution to the stadium anthem genre. Although it is not too sad, because this song is not only an incredible piece of music but succinctly sums up everything anybody I know feels about life.

7. Frankie Lymon and the Teenagers - Why do fools fall in love?

This is the song that your mom went home and listened to after her first kiss. It hearkens back to an era when tv hosts smiled benevolently upon the wholesome foibles of a new generation, and a black man on camera sure as hell better look as white as possible. Classic stuff

6. Lily Allen - Smile


Ok, ok, I know I departed from my criteria with this one, but I just love this song so much I couldn't help it. You gotta respect someone who can express some of the cruelest emotions ever recorded and make you feel like skipping down a sunlit garden path at the same time. I know one thing for sure, once me and Lily are together, we'll never break up.

5. Harry Belafonte - Jamaica Farewell



Long before he was an erstwhile actor with a voice that brings joy to the hearts of emphysema patients everywhere, Harry the B had pipes of gold and the scenery to match. Everybody knows this song, but do you really appreciate it? Do you? DO YOU?!

4. Tie - The Carpenters - Close to you & We've Only Just Begun



Two classics from the pride of New Haven that make the list for two reasons: the incredible stage set they are performed on, and their use in two of the most memorable singing scenes in movie history. First person to identify the scenes gets a used copy of Marvin Chirlstein's Concepts and Case Analysis in the Law of Contracts.


3. Billy Joel - Piano Man


Though I've always have a slight problem with this video because it sort of misconstrues the song's message, not to mention casts a guy as John the bartender who doesn't exactly fit the aspiring actor persona, that doesn't change the songs overall incredibilosity. At my funeral, I hope somebody tells the story of how I got a standing ovation singing this song at the bar in the Prague 4 seasons.

2. Rupert Holmes - Escape



A ha! Didn't know it was called that, did you? Though I couldn't find a good video for this classic, I rate it this high nonetheless. Why, you ask? Well, I think I have heard this song 50,000 times and never really listened to the verses before until the other day when it came on 101.5 lite FM. It truly is a beautiful story about overcoming our doubts, rediscovering ourselves, and recognizing all that we have. Also, I'm not into yoga.

1. Percy Faith - Theme from Summer Place



This is my column, so put it on repeat, FYM, ASMD!!

Special Bonus:
Bow Wave - Paseracka


Whoever can figure out what this song is about (or come up with the most creative entry) gets a prize. And if it a law book, I promise it will have substantial resale value.